Crossroads

Ever feel like your on an eternal cross roads? I do. In an ever changing world the one thing I crave is consistency, that is until I get it. Then I go insane trying to mix thing up.

Today I am at a crossroads yet again. This one however could have long lasting effect on my family and because of that.... I feel pressure to make sure I take the right road. I'll figure it out...right?

Faith

_I just loved these qoutes and wanted them in one place.....

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Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something ethereal, floating loosely in the air. Faith does not fall upon us by chance or stay with us by birthright. It is, as the scriptures say, “substance … , the evidence of things not seen.”⁵ Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible.⁶ Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe⁷ and as we seek it and hold on to it. -------Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker. Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil.⁸ By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name.⁹ The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice. ( faith is not by chance but by choice- priesthood session, general conference October 2015 Elder Niel L Andersen)

Although your beginning fire of faith may be small, righteous choices bring greater confidence in God, and your faith grows. The difficulties of mortality blow against you, and evil forces lurk in the darkness, hoping to extinguish your faith. But as you continue to make good choices, trust in God, and follow His Son, the Lord sends increased light and knowledge, and your faith becomes settled and unwavering. President Thomas S. Monson said: “Fear not. … The future is as bright as your faith ( faith is not by chance but by choice- priesthood session, general conference October 2015 Elder Niel L Andersen)

“When you and I talk to people about faith and belief, don’t we often hear, “I wish I could believe the way you do”?

Implied in such a statement is another of Satan’s deceptions: that belief is available to some people but not to others. There is no magic to belief. But wanting to believe is the necessary first step! God is no respecter of persons.⁶ He is your Father. He wants to speak to you. However, it requires a little scientific curiosity—it requires an experiment upon the word of God—and the exercise of a “particle of faith.”⁷ It also takes a little humility. And it requires an open heart and an open mind. It requires seeking, in the full meaning of the word. And, perhaps hardest of all, it requires being patient and waiting upon the Lord.

If we make no effort to believe, we are like the man who unplugs a spotlight and then blames the spotlight for not giving any light. (Be Not Afraid, Only Believe General Conference Oct. 2015 Pres. Dieter F. Uchdorf)

“We can choose to believe.

For in belief, we discover the dawn of light.

We will discover truth.¹¹

We will find peace.¹²

Because of our belief, we will never hunger, never thirst.¹³ The gifts of God’s grace will enable us to be true to our faith and will fill our soul like “a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”¹⁴ We will experience true and lasting joy.¹⁵

Therefore, my dear friends, my beloved brethren in the priesthood of God:

Have courage to believe.

Be not afraid, only believe.

(Be Not Afraid, Only Believe General Conference Oct. 2015 Pres. Dieter F. Uchdorf)

All but fogotten...

In an effort to not offend anyone or call a specific app or website out, you get to play fill in the blanks this blog. ;)


I have had something one my mind lately. Something that seems hypocritical as I sit here on my computer writing a blog. Before you judge me too much, just know it will still seem hypocritical in the future too, I am aware of that. It comes with the territory of being involved with the causes and jobs I do..

 Have you noticed the trend? The OUTRAGE, the cry to turn your computer off? To PUT THE PHONE DOWN, take social media off your phones and tablets completely? Moms and teachers, fathers and religious leaders all seeing a trend that's a disturbing them and they are vocalizing.


 15 Can a ^awoman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not ^bforget thee. Isaiah 49:15 ( Old Testament, King James Version, Emphasis added)

I will never forget the first time this scripture had an impact on my life. I was holding my first baby, rocking her to sleep and reading aloud to her. I remember crying as I held this sweet new baby in my arms and thinking it was not possible for me to forget my little one. That if I somehow lost her or she learned to hate me or the world  fell apart and we were separated- I could not fathom NOT crying for her nightly for, there would be a  hole to large in my heart. That moment was just over 10 years ago.

I came across this scripture again a week ago, but this time, I saw it in a different light. I saw myself sitting on my couch looking at my _________ and ________ and don't forget to check______. I saw the time wasted on goofy tests to find out my " perfect Job" or "who I would be" if I was on __________ this show or in _________ that book.  I saw my sweet children walking up to me and starting a conversation only to walk away half way through because I wasn't actually ENGAGED in the conversation. I realized that in my own way, I had forgotten my children. In fact one of my favorite regular stops made this cool video thing. Just click a button and you saw your story before you with pretty music. It was awesome ( of course I did it---didn't you??) after watching it a few times I told my husband " you know what happens at the end of this video? Every person thinks " Oh, This is why I love______" ' Its beautiful marketing really! Brilliant, the creator deserves a raise no doubt, but long term in mind, does it cause more damage then good? I think its worth pondering a bit.

 I know I am not a bad person, nor am I alone- heck if your even aware that this might be a problem I think you are a few steps ahead of society. But I feel the need to testify to the truth of the scripture above. Many times a day, children everywhere are being all but forgotten. Moms, dads, grandparents-are you guilty? Do the allures and excitement of apps and interactions with internet friendships cause us to turn away from the things in front of us? Do they cause you depression because you see what you don't have instead of putting the electronics down and enjoying what we DO have? Is the habit of posting what you are doing RIGHT then so ingrained in you that you stop enjoying the moment to make sure you put it out in the internet world?  Are there one sided conversations are happening in your house?

 I have a friend who decided she didn't want her kids to see her glued to it. So if they are up, the phone and computer and tablet and put away- and she works from home, on her computer and social media. I respect that. I don't know its for everyone, but I know if she can do it, we can surely all do a little better.  So, I join the cry. Put it down, turn it off. I love you internet friends. We have met through my many moves across the country and events and some of you I still haven't officially met! But I don't want to be the mom who forgets. I want my children to have to love of The Lord and their mom and not ever have them doubt it. So please excuse me if I seem distant. I'm not far and if you need me I am still here, but I can't allow myself to forget them, not in this crazy world when my children need me more then ever.

Live like your a blogger.....

These last two years for me have been one big whirl wind of craziness! I have had opportunities to meet amazing people and be a part of so many projects I love. Among these amazing new associations, I have become good friends with a few bloggers, like the fabulous Chandice, the super sassy and ever funny Erica, the sweet and kind Sara,  the HILARIOUS  Chrissy and the always classy and long time family friend (who inspired me to write this with one of her FB posts last week- since it has been banging around in my head for a while now) Emily just to name a few...At first I found myself envious of them. They travel, seem to have endless resources to amazing food, get free meals, have not just 1, but MULTIPLE packages show up on their door step with fun surprises daily. Of course if they have kids or pets or both, they are all super cute and perfectly behaved or hilarious, unlike mine seem to be. The clothes they wear are always super sassy and every day seems to be one big adventure." How could I get in on this gig" I thought.... But that was before I really knew them.

Once I got to really know them, I saw I different side of things. I listen to their stories, saw the anger and sometimes tears as they deal with_________ and/or _________  who continually misjudge them or write ridiculous things on their FB/Instagram/ twitter and blog sites. Sat at a dinner table ready to dive in and enjoy the delicious in front of me, only to feel rude because they have to spend half their meal on social media making sure the the food looks good. I know the countless hours they pour into their sites and social media to get their name and messages out there. The sleepless nights dealing with companies who have high expectations or wondering how to write the review blog on the food that wasn't actually all that good but you don't want to loose the trust of your amazing audience and yet you need the companies support.... Headaches. That is what being a blogger is. Its full of BIG never ending headaches. Most of them have a message, something they care so much about that they are willing to put themselves through this day in and day out to get that message to you and if they are " good enough" then they might actually make money at it too.

So, I decided, no thank you. No blogger life for me.... or can there be? Is there a way to HAVE IT ALL as they say? Essentially I started my own little experiment. I got myself a twitter page and instagram and started tweeting when I found a product I loved, or taking pictures of the fun things in my life. Once I started doing this I also started ( Like they do) LOOKING for ways to make the normal seem.... a bit more interesting, A daily journal entry go super exciting when I proudly show it off, or my apple crisp became a lot more fun when I thought about how the picture of it would look on instagram. I was more willing to let me kids help out with projects because I know my kids can sell anything better then me- and that led to fun memories created. I'll admit, it was stressful keeping it up for a time, but I began to back off and only post when I wanted or check my twitter when I felt like it. I'm not an actual blogger, so I get to enjoy the pretending with out the pressure. I found myself looking for adventure at times and seeing the good in my life in small moments. I have taken better care of my physical self- because bloggers take pictures of themselves ( it's more personal that way- right?) and I wasn't going to be showing off my bad side. THEN, I realized this was a flaw of mine, so that lead to an experiment about being "good with who I am", no makeup or cute clothes and being SO o.k with it, that I could document it with a picture and share it with the world.

So what am I rambling about here? What are the take away points of my long winded post?

 1. Being a blogger is not all that you might think, behind the curtain of awesomeness lies a lot of work, ups and downs and not the high living life you possibly imagine. Even for those bloggers who are amazing at what they do- I happen to only know awesome ones ;) - its a rollercoaster.

 2. So your not a blogger- LIVE like one! Document your moments, celebrate your successes- big and small, show off things you are working on to your friends and family and ADD a little unexpected adventure to each day.

The best part about making myself look good to the world is that I have improved my way of living both as a mom and person because of it, its like the saying " fake it until you make it". I made it, because I am only working for ME, so if I wanted to take a day off and eat frozen pizza, no one but me and my state of mind had to matter, the rest of the time I can practice being fabulous.

 Like my blogger friends, I have a message I want to share with others too...its that life is what you make it and that each individual has endless potential if he/she will just believe in themselves and reach for the stars. I TRULY believe that with all my heart, it speaks to the foundation of my religion and who I am as a person. So, go be what you want to be and enjoy each moment..... and if you get the chance, FB/Instagram or tweet it so I can join you on your journey!

( also a side note- all these pictures are from the last year and a half and my hair is at LEAST 4 different colors! HA)

I would be awesome at being famous

So, The last two weeks there has been a fun game flying around FB where you get a # and have to tell that same # of interesting things about yourself... I have not participated. Why am I hesitating? Two reasons 1- ( and the biggest reason of the two) I have no idea what I would even have to share, lets face it, I put it all out there for your enjoyment most days anyway. 2- I somewhat hate participating in current trends, I am a brat like that. That being said, this fun FB activity has led me to a few moments of thoughtful introspective looking and some very important realizations- ( can't help myself with the sarcasm)and I realized, I would be a dang good famous person! I also happen to be a 30 year old girl who thinks she is still going to be famous for some day. What can I say? You get told something as a child over and over ( or maybe I told it to myself????) and it sticks with you even when life shows you other paths....so anyway, Here is the list of why I would rock the whole fame thing:

1. I am a klutz, Therefore the likes of People Magazine, In Touch and TMZ would have hours and hours of fun stories as they catch me on film tripping in the parking lot, dropping my groceries randomly, dribbling food down my shirt and watching me cut into a steak at a fancy restaurant only to send it flying across the table ( has happened TWICE in my life) I could make the pages every month, easily.

2. I am fairly introverted. I don't like to talk about my family with people I don't know. This is a benefit because I won't be saying things about my family without carefully thinking them through, no tabloid stories for Mike and the kids. They would not have to suffer as much for the price of fame.

3. I am extroverted as well!! It seems like a contradiction, but there are two groups of people I am great with- friends and family who I know love me despite my flaws........ and inconsequential total strangers. AKA, fans OR in real life (my case): the random Walmart worker, people at an expo or conference, those who I tie tinsel for at craft fairs or Scentsy parties who end up loving or hating me. I can get them laughing or crying depending on how I lead the conversation. Fans would love me because in the end it would be all about THEM, its easier to talk about them then me. ;)

4. This sounds conceded, but I don't think that it really is....I like to have pictures taken of me. Its the little-girl princess in me manifested in my adulthood life. I like to dress up, find a fun new location, think about colors and lighting, goof off and pretend to be serious. I think its fun. I don't always love LOOKING at the pictures, but I enjoy a good photo shoot.

5. I think long term. When I make a decision, its long term ( unless it involves sparkle or glitter- then it might be a spare of the moment decision because I can't help myself). So I think this could pay off as a star, from the way I dress to the way I style my hair and makeup. Part of my refusal to do anything trendy comes with this habit. I like to be me and not go with the crowd ( star quality?? I think so! LOL) but I really enjoy trying my best to be " timeless" in all I do. I don't want to make any decision just because every one else is. In fact I told my daughter last week if every one else is doing it- you probably shouldn't - Society as a whole usually gets it wrong the majority of time.

6. I have moved a bazillion times. ( this is good and bad for my career) So I happen to know LOTS of people from all over the country and all walks of life. I have shared in the memories, trial and victories. I have an interesting view on life and can almost " one up" any story you tell me because " I know some one who...." with almost anything you tell me- I try hard not to be like that, but seriously its hard when you know so many awesome and interesting people! This would make my interviews always interesting because my perspective on life has been altered by every individual I have met. Usually some one has to become a star to be exposed to all these things, I already have that down. ;) AND yet the negative comes with the fact that after a bazillion moves there are bound to be " skeletons" in my closet that I forgot and people who didn't like me in each location... I am pretty sure TMZ would like that too....

7. I am good with social media. I have only dabbled a bit in it compared to most but have found GREAT success at it ( much to my husbands frustration). He doesn't get how I can have people following me and retweeting me so consistently. I think its because my internet self is more sassy and funny then my real life self, but I also think my internet self is just a lot of the thoughts I wouldn't say out loud because I am a proper lady and believe all girls should try harder then we currently do to be more proper.

8. My religion makes me interesting! I am MORMON which in every reality show, magazine and newspaper seem to be the magical word that makes you automatically interesting. Not only am I Mormon but I actually believe and LIVE my religion, so I got one up on every other so called Mormon star out there ( except Gladys Knight- she is awesome- maybe if I am famous we can be friends and Brooke White too, we are besties in the making...)

9. I like to do things just to see how people will react. Put me in a costume and I will skip around the store like an idiot ( once I wore a pioneer costume to walmart and actually did this much to my friends embarrassment, another time I wore sunglasses INSIDE the fruit market just because the " cool kids do" and I wanted to try it out.) I have no shame when it comes to being goofy- at least when I am in a costume.

So now that you see my star quality- or at the very least you have indulged me as I bragged about my worthless star qualities- I have 1 major problem. I have no real talent to show, I am a girl of may talents and master of absolutely none.... so here I sit, proud wife and mother of three, Celiac advocate, Mormon girl at my computer trying to figure out if a part of me will ever really believe that fame is not " just around the corner" until then, I will keep on tripping all over myself, tweeting about the unimportant, working to be a lady and act goofy when the moment seems right. ;)

Boo's GF holiday tips

As some of you know I have the exciting opportunity to start contributing to one of my favorite blogs Gluten Free Frenzy starting in January! If you haven't heard of it or haven't been there in a while, check it out, they are the #1 giveaway site for gluten free products. The thing I am excited to bring to the bigger Gluten free community is my experience. We happen to have not 1, or 2 but THREE gf children and myself. Two of them have wheat allergies and one we believe has celiac disease, which we are actively trying to figure out what is going on with his little body. My whole angle is that I have the " gf motherload" of situations going on here. So I get to share what we have been through and what we go through as our journey keeps moving forward as well has offer reviews, tips and ideas for those new and old to the diet. Fun Times. So until then I wanted to share my tips for holiday cooking right here. =)

Boo's GF Holiday tips:

Growing up the holidays were magical! The lights, smells and sounds of the holiday let my imagination fly and I ( maybe more then most) believed that anything was possible during the holiday season. But when you first go gluten free the holidays can be one emotional nightmare and... not so magical. They are overwhelmingly expensive and the traditional foods you grew up with just never taste quite the same gluten free. After almost 7 years of trying to "fix the holidays", I realized I have learned a few things. I have the power to stop making the holidays all about food and begin to recreate the magic for my children and myself with out having an emotional meltdown every season.

Tip #1:
Buy extra! Seems simple right? But you would be surprised at how many years it took me to figure this out. Starting in September, when you buy a box of cake mix, buy two. When you buy flour, buy two. Now As some one who comes from a home with three children and a VERY strict budget, I am not saying buy it all in one trip, I am saying once a week, when you buy your stuff, buy TWO of it if you know that product will come in handy during the holiday season. When you get home put your " extra" items in a separate location in your cupboard so that they don't end up getting used before you need them. ( my kids think if there are two cake mixes in the cupboard that making cupcakes is a given, I have had to teach them to think a bit differently about it. ;)

Tip #2:
Make the freezer your very best friend! When you make those sugar cookies in October for the class Halloween party or your coworkers, or whom ever- make double or even triple the dough! Freeze and label it and BAM your cut-out Christmas cookie decoration night just got a lot cheaper in December and less stressful during a very busy time. Freeze "extra" cupcakes, doughnuts and muffins instead of enjoying the WHOLE box like normal. My kids keep asking why we have so many cupcakes in the freezer- I keep telling them with a smile " its for the holidays", they get excited to eat it and I feel like a rock star for thinking ahead and saving money!

Tip #3:
ASK, ASK, ASK, PLAN, PLAN, PLAN. Ask your co-workers, teachers, church leaders, friends and neighbors about holiday the plans. Food is important to almost everyone during the holiday season. If you know " the plan" for parties, dinners and activities, you can use what you have in your freezer, or make ahead what you need. Put an end the the last minute rush to the store for sub-par food!! It will probably still happen- you know what I mean, the stressful run- to pay to much for something that MAY be a substitute for what every one else is happily enjoying. Lets face it, people don't like to be grilled on what they will be eating at all points during their holiday season, ( most spend January trying to forget it!) but asking and asking again can help you avoid at least half of that stress, if not all of it.

Tip #4:
REMEMBER and forgive! Remember that time when you ate wheat filled products all the time?? I know it's painful, but try to remember with me for JUST a second. You would go to the fancy Christmas party just to eat cheap, big box store cookies that you almost broke your teeth on. Sure, some of those treats were amazing and full of fluffy goodness, but REMEMBER the bad ones? Because there were a lot of bad ones. Cheap chocolate, hard, too crispy or flat, so well preserved they would outlast Twinkies at the end of the world, kind of bad. Now, Forgive yourself for all those times you beat your self up for your cookies tasting differently then anyone else in the room, or those brownies that their only offense was " they are gluten free". Because in the end GF products have come so far that I have found, if I don't mention they are gluten free, no one even questions it. Are they always the best ones in the room?? Some times yes- and sometimes no, but that just makes me like every other person in the room that isn't gf and who brought a variety of good and bad products to the party.

Tip #5:
FORGET THE FOOD. In the end, I have learned the best memories are actually the ones without the food. The smiles, the laughter, the games played and songs sung stay much longer then the pounds lost or gained by what we put in our mouth. Just try to forget the food. Teach your co-workers, teachers, friends and neighbors that activities are much more rewarding and much better then standing around a table piled with junk. Find ways to add excitement to your holidays with minimal food involved, who says you HAVE to have hot chocolate while looking at lights? or eat Doughnuts after that turkey bowl game? Not that we don't enjoy them, but looking for activities where the food intake is minimized can alleviate a lot of stress for those with food issues and help us all be a lot healthier. So, ONCE IN A WHILE, during the holiday season, try to forget the food and create a memory.

I hope you all have a fun and safe holiday season! May your GF memories be every bit as wonderful as the ones you remember growing up!

Next step

Tomorrow is Jacks next big Dr. Appt. After living...ready for this?

Gluten free
Dairy free
Egg free
Beef Free
Cherry free
Cabbage free
Peaches, and then we looked at the tests again and realized we got it wrong...
Apricot free
Celery Free

Jack has an appt with the allergist tomorrow, I am hoping we re-test on everything ( but the gluten) again so that we can see if MAYBE he is ready to take on a little more egg, a little more dairy and well, the rest of the list.

 I have given him closely monitored tests over the last three years, but he always ended up sick. YET, In order to make sure we have the correct results I have given him trace amounts of eggs and dairy for two weeks now and other then him being a little bit emotional he seems to handle it O.K. ... so there might be a little hope for his situation yet. =)

ON the Celiac side of things, we did the genetic testing on him. He is a carrier of the celiac gene. Our G.I dr said after this appt tomorrow, we can make a plan as to how we to move forward and get real answers.

So yeah, a process to say the least, but all I have ever wanted was a team of dr.s who actually cared and helped me figure this out and with a lot of help from above, good friends here and a little push for a mama bear, we might just have found that

My not so perfect/ perfect life.

After a nice talk as a couple last night Mike and I decided to make some positive changes in our lives. So I made sure not to do ANYTHING until my " priorities" were taken care of first. Of course, as it always seems to when you put the important things first, my day went beautifully. Read my scriptures, prepared a great Family Home Evening, Spent time with my little man, lunch with one of my favorite sassy ladies, renewed a childhood friendship,Listened to great music all day, spent time with my littlest sister, cleaned, worked, all of it before 4:00 P.M.

Yep, I was feeling amazing....and then...

The chicken at dinner wouldn't cook, why? you got me, I am a good cook- I couldn't figure it out. My GF pasta was doing strange things. The Garlic ( MAJOR ingredient in tonight's dinner) was no where to be found, so I looked for that power garlic stuff that my mom keeps by the buckets, nope, not a single, gritty little speck. Then I discover that Joey took my 7.00 Pint size DF ice cream out of the freezer at some point today. My entire FHE lesson was based on an object lesson using ice cream, and it was dessert...and it was EXPENSIVE and now pretty much ruined! My daughter had a small meltdown over friend problems and the boys decided to have an all our running, yelling like baboons, shooting nerf guns war. 

As the headache started to set in I thought, My life is JUUUUUSSSSTT perfect.

A Quick prayer was said as I anxiously watched my chicken. I knew I don't deserve any super star treatment from The Lord, but I was worried about the negative thought train I was about to embark on.... so I asked for help.

and then......

My noodles worked out somehow. I think I had an o.k talk with Olivia. I remembered that this one seasoning mixture I use had a main ingredient of garlic powder and if I used it, It MIGHT work out. My brother took pity on me and helped calm the boys down. Olivia made a magical suggestion to use the lump of ice cream in the middle of the pint that was still frozen for my lesson, put the rest in the freezer and then make milkshakes for dessert. The chicken finally cooked, and we sat down for a nice dinner as a family.

At dinner I found my self looking at my children and realizing everything somehow worked out and then I thanked The Lord for my not so perfect/ perfect life.

Because I choose so...

I think I could be a comedian. See? Your laughing already. ;)

 No seriously, I just got out of the shower on a hundred and bazillion degree day and came up with a whole parody about my Arizona "shower after my shower" talking about the amount of sweat you sweat AFTER your shower here in AZ because its SO stinkin' hot. But the problem is I would have to let you into my secret head space, the one that uses crass words and gross analogies to get my point across and be " funny". I thought about sharing a little here with you, but then I realized that it would forever alter the way those I love see me AND inturn effect how I see my self.

You see, I am in no way shape or form perfect or even have the cleanest, most innocent mind, but most people (even family) do not realize this. You know why? Because I choose not to share it.   In high school friends would say " Brigette you would never say something mean about _____ or never talk about_____" but it wasn't because the mean thoughts or other types of thoughts didn't exist. It was because I choose not to share it.

You might be asking why I am letting you in on this secret or why it even matters. It's because I see so many wonderful strong individuals choosing to share their inappropriate thoughts in order to get a few more likes on face book or get re-tweeted on Twitter. Then it moves to their REAL social life and the stories that should never be shared start getting a little action and with the laughter a few more stories get shared. HELLO, what happens in your bedroom or after your shower, or in the bathroom and a dr.s appt, should stay there and not be laid out for our entertainment. Who are we becoming as individuals and as a society? Where does this all lead us? What are we showing our children of living a good honest and real life?

 Now you think I am a snot, I know, I get it a LOT, and in the last ten years as our society and the manners by which we once lived deteriorate, I get it even more. I feel alone a weird sometimes for choosing not to be my inner, more natural self. Instead, I believe I am WORKING everyday on being MORE then my natural inner self. I choose the Downton Abby way of manners more often then Arrested Development ( which seriously have you read my blog? or followed my family on FB? Our family could be the next big honey boo boo type show). NOT that it's not funny, but I have noticed the more I watch "funny" the more I think its o.k to be that way.

I choose not to because in my religion we believe in a life after this one, One that will be determined by the condition of your heart here in this life and the choices you made. I believe in being more then I currently am, that's also why I love the American dream- it's all about becoming more, and its acutally possible. I think of the after life much the same, I can become more,do more, be more,  but not with out constant work, diligence and my sight aligned with correct principles and views. I Choose not to.... not because its easy but because I believe My Savior when he tells me I can be more.

fun...

Got to do this fun thing for work....

• Who was your favorite celebrity as a child? Debbie Gibson, Mariah Carey
• What type of pets do you have? I have a cute dog names Mylie
• What is your favorite color? anything sparkely 
• What is most memorable about your high school years? HA! leaving them...no probably cheerleading
• What word describes you best?  my daughter says " talented" I say "honest"..lol
• What is your greatest accomplishment? my greatest accomplishment comes at the end of every day when I tuck my children in bed and know they feel loved and safe...
• What drives you every day? adventure, I am always looking for a new adventure, something new to learn
• Where do you want to retire? Somewhere warm
• What is your business goal this year? To feel like I am contributing my fullest to all I am involved in.
• Where do you like to vacation? Anywhere!
• Who do you admire? I admire any one who is grounded and honest through their trials of life.
• What is your mission? to leave this world better then it is currently.
• If you were invisible, where would you go? LOL, probably the White house, need to see what Obama is REALLY up to. lol
• What traits in others are you attracted to? fun, real, hard working, those with a cause.
• What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you? there are many friends who have been kind to me but specifically I remember that When My grandma died a friend from Montana sent me flowers, I  was SO lonely and he remembered me when no one else did.
• How do you want to be remembered? as a person who was totally true to herself, hopefully that means I was kind and hard working and fun...lol
• What would you do with a million dollars? put money aside for my kids college and wedding and missions, buy a house, travel the world...put some in a few different charities I believe in.
• If you were on an island, who would you want to be with? Why? My man Mike, he is my best friend.
• You have a 10 minute speech to give at a banquet, what is it about? Standing for something, fighting for what you believe regardless of what it is.
• If the TV is on, I'm watching... DWTS, anything wedding related, Psych, parks and Rec, downton Abbey
• If the refrigerator is open, I'm grabbing a.... Sobe life water

• I want(ed) to be a Singer when I grow/grew up.
• It's Saturday night at 8PM. You'll find me ....on a perfect night, eating icecream
• It's Monday morning at 7AM. You'll find me .... cleaning and eating breakfast with the kids
• What was your favorite childhood toy? I don't think I had one..
• If you could take a trip to any place in the world, where would you go? Israel, Italy
• If you could only eat one food, and nothing else, for three days in a row, what would it be? peanut butter chocolate milk shakes!
• What is your favorite movie? So cheezy. Pride and prejudice ( newest version)
• What's one thing for which you'd like to be remembered? Didn't I already answer this? being awesome, but mostly for being kind and making changes where they need to happen.
• If I had more time, I would- this list is TOO long, work on my music skills both vocal and piano/guitar/organ, be crafty, actually get everything done I set out to every morning___.
• What's your idea of a perfect date? just a night with no stress for money and my mike with me.
• Please describe a goal on your life's to-do list.- to conquer fear. fear of what I can or can't do, fear of feeling guilty for what I don't, fear of messing up whatever I am currently doing.

He gets it

Well, I can honestly say I don't know what to do with my self right now. He got it. The Dr. Understood the whys, the how's and the options as to how to figure it all out- including several I had not considered....all of it. He talked with us for almost and hour and a half. Asked the questions I needed to hear, thought of things I hadn't heard of for if  it ISN'T celiac, that we can then look at...all of it. He got it. Tomorrow we will get the blood work done, and in about 10 days I can make a plan with the Dr. of how to move forward.

The goal?

To get answers and to improve Jacks quality of life..or so says the Dr....and agrees the very thankful mom.

Big day for Jack.

In 45 minutes I head up to see a G.I specialist here in Phoenix. Jack came to me several months ago and asked if he could go through the testing for Celiac Disease. He was very serious and I could tell he had spent a lot of time thinking about it. He told me he felt like he needed to know if this was something he was going to have to live with his whole life. He wanted to know if when he was " glutened" if it was damaging his body or not and what that would mean for the future. He wanted to know so that he could better combat the social struggles that come from being different from all the other kids at school. He wanted to know...for himself.

I went to my room and cried...and cried... You see to get tested for celiac after being on a gluten free diet for so long, Jack will need to eat the very thing that makes him sick for about two months. Essentially, he has to damage his body ( intestines specifically) so badly that when they do a biopsy at the end of the 6 weeks, it will show conclusively that he has celiac. I cried for two reasons. first, I know what eating wheat will do o him, how his body will hurt, how emotional he will be, how sick he will eventually get from an immune system that is shot. no mom can feel happy about hurting their child. Can I even feel o.k with knowing what I am allowing to happen to his body?? Second, WHAT IF I put him through all that pain and the biopsy comes back negative? What if he goes through all that only to discover its NCGS or non- celiac gluten sensitivity??

There is one other test I can ask for instead of putting him through the pain of eating wheat, its a genetic test. This was recommended to me by one of my favorite Dr.'s at the CDF conference two months ago and what gave me the courage to see this through for jack. While I feel like its our best and least painful option, Mike and I have already decided that if the G.I Dr. here feels like we need to do the biopsy, then we will. At some point in all this I have to trust a Dr. somewhere.

Originally when I called to get the appt. We could not even get in until the end of July, after school starts. I was devastated, because last time jack even had 2 bites of cherrios ( link for that HERE) he was a mess and missed 2 days of school. Yesterday I got the call saying they had an opening if we could come. This would allow Jack to go through this process with out interfering with his schooling. A HUGE blessing!!

I am so nervous and scared, if this does not go well where do we go?? what do I do? This morning I called this insurance agency and trying to remeber specific information of how this has all played out so that my emotions will not get the best of me. If you are curious as to how we went Gluten free in the first place I blogged about it about a year ago, here is the LINK for that.

Anyway, blogging helps calm me down. I have so many thoughts and emotions about it all and not time to write them out completely. But for those who know and love us, I wanted to give the basic information about it all and ask that you keep us in your prayers because I have no idea what the next few weeks will bring for us and most importantly for little sweet Jack.

always in denial...w

So about every 6 months I question is gluten really is SUCH a big deal in our life. I mean, if gluten wasn't a problem then my life would INSTANTLY be easier...we are talking McDonalds dollar menu possibilities here. ;) No Celiac Disease Foundation Awareness hard work with little reward. No crazy expensive diet. Not needing to cook EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Because of the way we figured out Jacks problem, we have never been able to get an official diagnose. Would I love to have it? YES! But after this weekend, not only was I reminded that gluten will probably be forever an issues here at our house, but that there is no way I could make him eat three full servings a day for any amount of time in order to get him tested. The Lord stepped right in and reminded me how important my crazy diligence is for Jack, regardless of what those around me think.....

So Friday my little guy poured himself a bowl of GF brand cheerios, some almond mile and fresh cut strawberries. He was pretty excited about it  until my daughter came in screaming.

 ( Because she GAVE herself wheat on Monday- stinker! When she eats wheat she gets crazy emotional, its best to not even look at her or your head might get ripped off and kicked across the room)

ANYWAY, So she is SCREAMING  that Jacksons cheerios smell like " regular cheerios" . You have to understand, she had been mean and screaming since Monday, that's almost 5 days of headaches from her yelling, so I was over it by Friday. I promptly told her to "knock it off, your brother wouldn't eat regular cheerios, he doesn't want to be sick, leave him alone and stop yelling at every one". She walked over to the counter and held up the clear plastic bag quick enough for me to realize that some one had pulled out the regular cheerios and left them on what is supposed to be our gluten free counter and my little guy had accidentally eaten the wrong cereal.

Two bites. That's all it took. Two bites. Within 20 minutes he was running to the bathroom. After a day of fun runs, day 2 brought on the emotions. So lucky me gets screaming older sister and crying little brother- PERFECT combo of fun! LOL Day 3 brought on pain and soreness through his body on top of emotions. Day 4 he felt sick all over again, had dark circles under his eyes and missed yet another day of school. After sleeping a lot on day 4 he was ready to return to life on day 5 with only lingering emotional issues.

So yeah, this whole Gluten thing is here to stay....while I may always be in denial that this is life long, I will never stop fighting for answers and a better world for my little guy. I just wish the reminder was not so painful for child and mother alike.

Please Excuse Me While I Find My Way.....

Ever feel like your stuck in a nasty dark place? A swamp or dark hole. I do...often. It seems like I take a never ending journey back and forth back and forth between this dark place where I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror and this beautiful place where I understand who I am and where I am going and love my life. You might think I am a bit dramatic But to my credit, ( or so I tell myself) you might  be surprised to find  that I am not only aware of my drama side, I am working to make it into a good attribute instead of the negative one it often becomes. In my head the stages I go through look something like this:

It funny how it works, I usually don't know I am going for a walk out into the dark swamp until I am stuck in it. Then I find my self desperately trying to pull myself out of the muck I got into. I find myself full of frustration and anger. I struggle to forgive others and to let go of trials in time to move on. I find myself making constant sarcastic jokes on others behalf ( I know, full disclosure of my sins stinks! it's sad and pathetic) on top of that, there just never seems to be enough time in my day. My poor family gets to be the recipients of my poor state and I spend little to no time, doing the things I want to or should do with them.

The funny thing is, I don't need a map to find my way out anymore, I have been here too many times. I starting reading books that help me remember the kind of person I want to be, pray, read my scriptures and pay close attention to the undercurrent of thoughts happening in my head. The well know, hard fought journey is short... usually.

There is the just one problem...As I am finding my way back to the "fields of contentment" ( name the movie that I got that from!) happiness, peace, love, and family...well, that's just the part that gets confusing to me. I find my self not knowing what to say to people. I can't rely on my sarcasm or my self depreciating comments to hold up my conversations. I feel like I am tip toeing around every thing I do trying to hard to do the right things and not be selfish ...and to top it off, I am battling not being mad at others when they don't seem to want to take a similar journey! Those stinkers!! ( oh crap I just took a few steps back toward the swamp hole..... All this just so that I can make it to the field again even if just for a week or two....

This may seem negative but I don't mean it to really. I find myself in the field almost as often as I find my self in the swamp. It's the darn woods that give me the problem and that is what I wanted to address today. That awkward journey back and forth and trying to figure out who the real me is in the moment. I believe that the real me, even if its only the future me, belongs in the beautiful field. In fact I believe that ALL of God's children belong in the field, but sometimes when we are stuck in the swamp or trying to get through the woods it gets confusing and disheartening.

The whole reason I have once again opened the window into my weird brain, is to ask for your patience. When I am in the swamp or woods....which again, happens often.... Please remember me in the field and know I must just not be in the proper place. I hope you know this in return, I will work hard to remember you as you are in the fields too....unless I am in the swamp-  then I might be a little slow to remember and for that I apologize in advance.

Only in our house...

usually I get to post random things that I never thought I would find around the house in a typical Heller day. A lot of these new special finds come from having 10 people under one roof, 6 of them under the age of 20. BUT this one I MAY have found reguardless of the move because joey was the one who did it....SO

ONLY IN OUR HOUSE....

would a Scentsy tester-top seem like an appropriate fix for misplacing the milk lid.

Only in our house...

Only in our house....

One month you can't seem to find soap anywhere and the next there is a costco size, bigger then the tall faucet, bottle of soap.....at least we know people are washing their hands...right?? 

and we found a few more...lol

Only in our house....

Would it it seem like a good idea to park your car in the middle of the driveway ON PURPOSE when on a typical day we have 4-6 cars that need parking spots.....so that no one can park behind you and block you in...

I won't name the main offender....but you know what they say, a picture is worth more then a thousand words...lol

spring break

Spring break was nice this year. perfect weather ( the kids even went swimming) hikes, eating out,miniature golf and watching movies- just lazy fun! Here are a few pictures..

 After our hike poor Jack was dehydrated! =)

where life takes you

I have found myself wondering where life will take me next a lot today. I mean since I moved to Az I have become totally involved in the Celiac world both through the Celiac Disease Foundation and work. We have had the children in two different schools, moved and moved again in with my Parents ( probably the craziest of everything) found out we were having a baby, lost the baby. We have become soccer obsessed to the next level- olivias practicing eating three days out of each week and now joey starting up too.

Anyway, I sit here in my moms garage that now happens to be my bedroom and think, where is life taking us? Mike and I are so fiercely independent and strong willed when we first got married I figured we would have life all figured out each with our own car, fancy house and model looking kids ( LOL, laugh with me, just laugh with me) ... and here I sit. This isn't a negative rant or anything like that, but I find my self a little lost at how to move forward. A household of 10 is no joke, think about the socks involved here....

10 people
7 days a week
2 socks for 10 people each day, so 20 socks each day times 7 days.....

yeah....

Dishes for 3 meals, for a gluten free household and a non gluten free household, 10-15 people, 3 times a day, working to avoid cross contamination....

mopping, sweeping, laundry ( which my boys seem to have accidents at night EVERY time I get finally caught up)  dusting, cause' we all love Arizona dust, cooking and the list goes on....

So moving forward I am wondering, where are the priorities? If the world fell apart tomorrow what do I need to teach my children...is the world falling apart? What the heck is happening to our government...any one read the news now that the elections are over?? What do all these changes mean for my family that is working to restart our life? Will we get that chance before things change to quickly? If so, great...if not...what should I be doing now?? all those dreams I had as a young girl, let them go? embrace them? the world tells me to, but I am not supposed to be " of the world", so is it bad if I do? ( IS this a mid life crisis?????!?)

QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS.....

I know, tell me to take it one day at a time, do the things I know I need to do and it will ALL work out...and I believe that. But the questions still come and I find myself wondering just where will life take me? We all know that looking back you can see how life twisted and turned in unexpected good and bad ways, so I know I can't predict tomorrow...but still can't seem to stop trying.

Only in our house...

So the other day I walked out our front door with my husband and he said " you are going to post about this right!?" So here it is the thing that ONLY in our house you would find....

Because who else would put up a pop up with no roof, use rope to hang a car bumper from so that it could get painted??? IN THEIR FRONT YARD on a very busy city street in a subdivision where you can't even leave your garbage outside of your fence?? Only.... some one in Our house.....