clock is ticking

the clock is ticking and its getting later and later in the night, yet, I find my self here, in my kitchen with a list of tings to do longer then my table and my hours filled to the brim tomorrow, all good things, all still busy.
I remember reading a church book once where the writer talked about how hard it was to pull her self away from her written schedule and lists of things to do one morning, she just needed some time to talk with her husband but the list and schedule before her were all consuming....in a light bulb type moment, she was able to see past the list and realize her husband needed her.
At the time I read the book I couldn't imagine what kind of mom could be so extremely busy that she was so obsessed over a list of to do's and a schedule of how to do her "to do's", now I get it. My mind is racing but my body wants rest, I am losing my voice and my head feels separated from my body ( you know like when you are pregnant and nothing seems to quite connect like it should?) its like my body is shouting TAKE A BREAK DUMB BELL! I am not complaining, really I am not. every thing I do, I enjoy and all of it is for my family, church and friends. I just keep trying to figure out how to be super woman....it must be possible or thats what I tell myself, it must be possible to do every thing I need to, but how?
so here I am late on a Monday night, with the clock ticking, a messy house, a trip to pack for since we are leaving at 5 a.m on Wednesday, and every hour already spoken for tomorrow. do I stay up late and just get it done, knowing I wont get to bed until a ridiculous hour and be even more tired tomorrow? do I try to sleep with my brain swimming and hope it works out? did I mention we got a new car today? yeah we did, it feels awesome! of course not at all as an after thought are the people I love who are going through hard things. how can I help them? how do I let them know I love them? they need to know! what to do?? yet stressing about situations helps no one....hmmm....thats it, all I got..

B-I-G week end

this weekend was crazy, I ran hard and fast every hour I could. BUT I think in the end it all worked out! I thought a few pictures of my adventures might be good.....the cup cakes are from the PTA dessert spread Elizabeth and I did, those cup cakes were some of my favorite, white chocolate with white chocolate chips and a hint of orange.....YUM!

the Band was AWESOME at the "B-I-G" party, my mother in law said she could hear it at her house and that her and the kids were dancing in their front yard...they live four blocks away!

soccer was intense and awesome! The general R.S meeting was AMAZING! and none of it could have happened with out great friends who not only participated in it all but spent the day here friday cleaning my house. LACEY, TIFFANY AND ELIZABETH, and the R.S Hillcrest ward presidency got me through this week with only a few minor melt downs...no tears. WHEW! glad its done....I tired to enjoy the ride, the crazy thing is that even with all these pictures I dont have pictures of the cupcakes all rolling off the board on the ride over to the school or the pumkin bars that gots smahed, the primary activity, the birthday party we went to....and belivie it or not tons of other things that we did this week. I am so ready for our trip to see great friends and family in utah!!!

too tired.

today I just feel tired, but life is marching full speed ahead, I know if I don't jump in line things will get messy fast, so any one have any ideas for how to get a pick me up with the energy level? cause I need some...

If you drive by my house on any given day.....

If you drive by my house on any given day you will probably find my children destroying my garage...in the name of inventing. Of course for over two years now the obsession has been with building a plane to fly to far off destinations. recently it has turned into a hobby for any reason, just the reason of inventing, is a good excuse to dig through our house and our neighbors house, the two garages and cars to find any random object that could add to the invention.

you can't tell in this picture but the girls planned for everything on their plane trip. coats for cold Alaska, swimsuits for the beach, cameras for Disney land, scriptures for the Utah potion of the trip, crayons for the long haul over to Washington D.C to see aunt Becky and then home they would come. They had me light the back of their invention with a sparkler.....they were all so angry when it didn't work, I think olivia cried. So time after time I find things like this out side, I am so glad they can use their brains to get creative and have fun....to dream...just don't open the garage....its straight up embarrassing after day in and day out of inventing!

that my days may be lengthened....

Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to be busy, some might say insanely busy, but I am learning this is how I function most efficiently AND when I am busy, I am happier too! This last year however, has seemed to take my busy schedule to a whole new level. A good example would be today:
I got up early, cleaned my TRASHED front half of the house, got kids up, packed lunched, managed and hour long melt down with a positive attitude ( a miracle I am still feeling good about) off to school, out for an hour walk, home again to finish cleaning, worlds quickest shower- I EVEN washed my hair) and was dressed in less then ten minutes so I could have my training meeting for Relief society stuff and here I am an hour later with 45 minutes to bust out a bunch of laundry, mop a floor and run to get jack from school. But the point is... I have been able to do every thing I needed to do on time and with a good mind set and its not even noon yet.

But one problem has been in the front of my mind, and the thoughts go some thing like this:

" I am busy, that's o.k, no more complaining.... time to embrace it...but are the most important things getting attention??? reading to the kids, playing a good board game, walks to the park.....the memory building things that bring us close together....am I so busy I forget to pray or enjoy the wonderful life I have??? is the schedule running me........or am I running it??And Mike... poor mike... am I being the wife he really deserves??"

I know a few wonder women in my life, these are people I know well enough to know that its not just smoke and mirrors, they just are beyond amazing. I have often wondered how they stayed busy ( like I am becoming) and yet made the most important things get done....and then I figured out a secret they had not shared with me!! AHHH HAHAHAHA. ( my evil laugh)

in Helaman 7; 24 it says:

.....there fore the Lord will be merciful unto them: yea he will lengthen out their days...

It occurred to me that in my most " with it" times, when I am working hard to do all I can- the right way before God, That I have been able to "magically" get every thing done even when it seemed impossible to do so. This very thing I knew could happen, but seemed more like a random moment in my life experience then the normal every day occurence. this concept of leangthening days is talked about a few times in the scriptures, the concept is not new and the Lord blesses those who are doing his work with this blessing when needed. This is the secret those wonder woman may or may not understand they have going for them...

So my prayers are not for a longer day, I realize my days are not going to have extra hours or minutes on the clock, but maybe the Lords way of "lengthening your days" is helping you to focus, or get through when you need to with a little extra speed, so that the very most important things in life can be done. Maybe Its the fact that a call which normally takes 15 minutes takes 2 or that you can seem to get a good shower and dressed in less then ten minutes instead of the normal 25.

I believe with all my heart if I continue to seek him and do his work, keeping my priorities with my family and home, that i will be able to be blessed with the amount of time I need to get all things done and in order not leaving out the best parts of life but enjoying them to their fullest!

so when I sat down for training this morning and the sweet sister across from me prayed "that my days might be lengthened" I almost fell off the couch, how funny she knew exactly where I was and what I needed. Got to love being a member of the Lords church! =)

its a sick party

on tuesday night there was peace and calm in the Heller home.....until 2 a.m, at which point mike started throwing up....an hour later joey did, and hour after that jack did...and by 4 a.m we were in the t.v room watching cartoons while I cleaned up mess after mess. soon I discovered that Olivia had been throwing up all night ALL over the house! Instead of getting me or attempting to clean it, she just picked her sick self up and found a new spot to sleep. great.

The craziest thing was when I posted it on face book ( becuase the world does NEEDED to know the hellers are sick! LOL) I had over 5 families which we hung out with this weekend had come down with the SAME junk the SAME night!! which is so sad, but in my little mind, a bit of a relief since originally I thought maybe I had cooked something weird and given my family food poisioning! since we got so sick, so close to the same time as each other.

I didn't feel awesome ethier but I was trying hard to keep up, until lunch time. It hit me and hit me hard. at one point I couldn't even walk from our hall bathroom to joeys bed where I was trying to escape the rest of the house by sleeping in a random place, it worked until I found joey throwup in the bed...

Thank heavens for mother in laws! mike called and she came to the rescue, bringing gatorade, popsicles and a dinner fit for a yucky tummy! it was a very rough day, but with out her it would have been so much harder!

around 8 P.m we were all feeling better but not all the way, and we were all asleep for the night. today is better, but we are exhausted. so the kids are staying home, I will be disinfecting EVERYTHING and working on the gross mountian of laundry. so glad we got over it all at once, even if it was one of the hardest days the hellers have been through in a while....

the longest b-day ever...

SOME body in my family really knows how to stretch a good thing for every last inch of goodness, SOMEBODY in my family had not just 1...2....3.....but FOUR parties in her honor, at least one of which- she turned a movie night into her "birthday party" with out letting her parents know, and called and invited people, luckily we caught it after two calls.....SOMEBODY in my family is the sweetest and most helpful girl around, we call her " little mommy and she just turned 7!

a

the first one was at moms house two Sundays ago, second was the movie night-turned party- then her ACTUAL birthday on Sunday and now today with the class celebration..I added a couple extra of the Friday event because the cake turned out so good, I couldn't resist! she wanted a "doughnut" birthday...so today I took her class doughnuts and for her cake I made a HUGE doughnut...flavor you ask? she wanted "confetti cake (which I turned into a white chocolate cake) and then cream cheese frosting with smashed oreos"

2nd counselor

Well, this week has been fairly interesting for me. It all started on mikes B-day when we got called in for a bishops interview, I was released and then the bishop talked about taking "periods of rest" for a while, it occurred to me that he may not be extending another calling to me at this moment, in the few seconds of realization I had panic sweep over me. I love to be involved in the church I love to be busily serving the Lord. At the beginning of our interview he asked me how I felt about my calling and one of the things I said was that I felt like I didn't get to serve enough! SO back to the panic stricken moment...

it didn't last very long becuase then surprisingly, I was called as second counselor to the Relief Society presidency. I am thinking I will get my opportunity to serve more! LOL. as I am sure you can imagine this week has brought so many different emotions, I actually had myself convinced that when I got to church today the bishop would pull me aside and tell me they were putting some one else in as the second counselor. I am not at all doubting the others called as president and 1st counselor, just my own issues to contend with. I have wondered things like: how can I even do this job right? I mean seriously Had my heavenly father looked deep into my soul lately...cause I am feeling like he conveniently skipped over some major flaws....I can think of some many others who would just shine in this calling....( and as I re-read this it occurs to me that the Lord usually calls the person with many flaws.....)

I thought I was being a bit dramatic but as I watched all the emotions of the others involved in this process I realized I was normal and O.k to feel overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, and anxious to get everything done the way the Lord wants it done and not mess it all up! I am so grateful I am not the new president, WOW she has got so much to figure out, That's why Heavenly Father calls REALLY AMAZING people to that particular calling. Once I worked this all out a few hundred times in my head I feel a tiny bit better about it all....

So here I am, its official, I get to do more for the Lord...Lets get started.

you probably noticed...

You probably noticed that since the whole audition stunt I have been absent from the Internet world...and the social world really, and the whole world. Not that I was devastated by what happened just that so many things have been happening for so long, and that specific event seemed to be an end to a segment of our life somehow...I don't quite know how to explain, but I shut my self down for a bit and tried to recharge,only the recharge didn't come. So what I have discovered in the last 48 hours was that I was not meant to recharge and push forward. the lesson I am learning now is one of change.
Its time to change, get deeper roots, enjoy the most important things a bit more and put a tiny distance from the things that are not eternal, I am not saying let go, just a little space. If you are hugging on too tightly to friends, schedules, events, you miss the best parts of life, the most important ones.
This point was clearly illustrated when I rocked my sweet Joseph to sleep today, even though he is almost two and a little big for such things, he let me hold him and enjoy the feeling of loving him unconditionally and looking into his eyes and learning about the person he is. He often reminds me why it so great to be a mom. Then I ran to pick up jackson, tired, un-showered and stressed about the ' schedule" again. one look at his grin from ear to ear coupled with the fact that even as a big school boy he still lets me fling my arms around him and give him a HUGE kiss on the cheek in front of his friends remind me of what I Love about life. Putting a little distance from things has helped me focus on what is actually in front of me and not the things all around it.
so, some things I love....I love looking into the eyes of the people that surround me and getting a glimpse of how their Heavenly Father views them,you enjoy every one around you so much more when you look deep into their eyes and see the person they really are. I love the Bright colors of the flowers every where we go, the sunset on a long drive and the shananigins of the gold fish in our front yard pond. I love the feelings of peace and accomplishment as I listen to good music and clean my home, which in doing, I am creating a retreat for myself and those I love. I especially love to hear my children singing in the other room, or my husband! =)
I feel changed, some how wiser- if that's possible- LOL, sometimes I wonder.... and aged. I feel goofy for admitting my thoughts and emotions but More then at any time in my life thus far, I realize that life has a purpose, to love those around you with all you have, to emerse your self in the gospel and learn the love of the Lord and to enjoy all he has given you and of course share all that goodness with every one you meet!. so, I am still exaughsted and abit frazzled, but then again maybe that's just me. Which for the most part, I am o.k with!