you probably noticed...

You probably noticed that since the whole audition stunt I have been absent from the Internet world...and the social world really, and the whole world. Not that I was devastated by what happened just that so many things have been happening for so long, and that specific event seemed to be an end to a segment of our life somehow...I don't quite know how to explain, but I shut my self down for a bit and tried to recharge,only the recharge didn't come. So what I have discovered in the last 48 hours was that I was not meant to recharge and push forward. the lesson I am learning now is one of change.
Its time to change, get deeper roots, enjoy the most important things a bit more and put a tiny distance from the things that are not eternal, I am not saying let go, just a little space. If you are hugging on too tightly to friends, schedules, events, you miss the best parts of life, the most important ones.
This point was clearly illustrated when I rocked my sweet Joseph to sleep today, even though he is almost two and a little big for such things, he let me hold him and enjoy the feeling of loving him unconditionally and looking into his eyes and learning about the person he is. He often reminds me why it so great to be a mom. Then I ran to pick up jackson, tired, un-showered and stressed about the ' schedule" again. one look at his grin from ear to ear coupled with the fact that even as a big school boy he still lets me fling my arms around him and give him a HUGE kiss on the cheek in front of his friends remind me of what I Love about life. Putting a little distance from things has helped me focus on what is actually in front of me and not the things all around it.
so, some things I love....I love looking into the eyes of the people that surround me and getting a glimpse of how their Heavenly Father views them,you enjoy every one around you so much more when you look deep into their eyes and see the person they really are. I love the Bright colors of the flowers every where we go, the sunset on a long drive and the shananigins of the gold fish in our front yard pond. I love the feelings of peace and accomplishment as I listen to good music and clean my home, which in doing, I am creating a retreat for myself and those I love. I especially love to hear my children singing in the other room, or my husband! =)
I feel changed, some how wiser- if that's possible- LOL, sometimes I wonder.... and aged. I feel goofy for admitting my thoughts and emotions but More then at any time in my life thus far, I realize that life has a purpose, to love those around you with all you have, to emerse your self in the gospel and learn the love of the Lord and to enjoy all he has given you and of course share all that goodness with every one you meet!. so, I am still exaughsted and abit frazzled, but then again maybe that's just me. Which for the most part, I am o.k with!