Each week as we drive to Olivias soccer games, we have the opportunity to see the progress on the Gilbert Temple site. Its SO much fun to see how excited the kids get. Joey especially loves it, since there are tractors and loaders and bulldozers and cranes...and....and...and....he gets excited each time we drive by and often asks to " go see the temple" on other days of the week. It seems to have given him a new appreciation for the Mesa temple as well, because he begs ( litterally ask charity) to go there too.

This is what the new temple will eventually look like:

But this is what we see right now each week:

And when Joey saw this in the walmart holiday ads:

He couldn't help but get all excited and say " look Mom, Joey can build a temple!!" Yeah, it might just be making the list....

the Jesus tree

I was contemplating our family prayers lately..you know the ones with lines like:

" help us to be more like our savior", or "help us to remember the teachings of our savior", OR "help us to act as the Savior would act SO we can be more like our savior Jesus Christ"

I wondered how much my children understood those lines...I mean when they get in a sticky situation do the actually think " hmmmm, what would Jesus do?"

Obviously, Mike and I try to teach them about their Savior, but do they KNOW him well enough to use the knowledge in all the moments they need it?

I decided probably not, since most of the time I wonder if I even kind of understand it well enough to totally apply his teachings in my daily life. I mean, knowing stories of some ones Life is different then understanding who they are, and how and why they choose the path and choices they did.

Since it is fall I couldn't help but think of cute sparkly fall leaves ( in my world every thing sparkles!) so I talked with ranner about building a paper tree for my hallway, where my kids would be able to write the things they learn about Jesus on leaves and decorate the tree. I am hoping for real lessons to be learned, I don't just want a recap of stories. I want the whys and hows here...which means I need to be a good enough mom to teach those lessons. BUT Ranner thinks bigger then me...

SO, we made a vinyl tree, I can decorate and redecorate it with the seasons and all the lessons we learn. We did it all from hand, the cost total was 7.50. I am hoping the lessons learned are price less.... we dubbed the tree the " Jesus tree" since that's the first set of lessons I want to teach the kids....its not decorated yet, but I thought I would share our hard work...I think it turned out pretty good. Maybe the Lord helps with a project when the objective it right?=) I think so, because I am no artist and this tree just happened..

For the first time...

Today I helped out at the school, just like I do every other Thursday and Friday, but today was different. I went to the " work room" , cut out and laminated letters for the teacher and met other ladies working and volunteering at the school. We talked about the school , our kids and Scentsy. It was SO much fun!! For the first time since we moved here I was " part of it" again, I felt happy and content in that area of my life...it was nice...

and we run...

Since yaya loves soccer and she is getting older and much more competitive, we thought it would be fun to start running together. In my head I figured my skill level and hers were about the same, so I can get in shape and we can help push each other to run harder! =) I couldn't resist taking a FEW pictures! she was SO SO happy running with mom. (she tells jack very chance she gets its " just a mommy/ daughter thing") It was cute. =)

the challenge

The challenge, for a dollar, was made in front of, and 3/4 a tsp listerine was measured out by, Brigette (aka mom), as a witness and document-or.

WHO will last the longest?

It's a close one, it getting intense...but....WAIT.....is Jack Already out of the race??yep, didn't even tilt his head back! LOL

But yaya is going strong even with NO competition!!

AND THE VICTOR IS.......................................YAYA!!!!

and No she never got her $1.00, bad deal jack....bad deal...

a conversation with my new friend " OLD"

A conversation I had with my new friend "old today"

" well , old, its official we have become friends, don't worry yourself, I'll post it later on facebook to make it REALLY official.

The thing is, I am not sure I am ready to enter into this friends ship. You see, hanging out with you, means I have to slowly leave my dear friend Young behind.

Young and I are close. We have had some really good times and even though I don't usually see young any more, we still like to get together once in a while when your not looking. We dance and sing, we look in the mirror and tell each other that young and me and still tight as ever...but then you sneak into the room and remind me and young that we are lying to our self's, your always like that, ruining Young's fun. WHY old??

I mean when young and I were best friends, I thought you were so cooool. Thats over. the back ach I woke up with reminded me of that fact. Old, do you have any up sides? tired body, worried heart and mind, slow to remember dates and names, new things are harder to catch on to. always tired, always. Seriously can you help me out here? Because I know that I have to let Young go, and Young can only visit when the moment is correct, AND I know I get to hang out with you for the rest of my existence. so give me some positives, I will believe you, I will, its better then telling myself your as good as it gets.

WHAT? I am going to like you at times?still a possibility of wisdom, knowledge, grand kids, freedom? boredom? when I get REALLY old? what?

Well I am not sure I believe you Old. These are the very things that made me think you were so cool,when I was hanging out with Young all the time, but so far, well, we see how our friend ship has started. I guess I will trust you Old, what choice do I have? Because my aching foot and back ach are shouting out arguments with you Old.

O.k I think after talking with you, I am ready make this work...but..... just once in a while...can Young still come play?

Satan's in the scorpians

For those of you whom I love but had to move aways from, you all know what my number 2 fear was Scorpions. Literally, I had nightmares over the creepy things. I had to pray about it, about my intense fear of them. I realized moving forward with faith was pretty much the only choice I had, I mean the other option??? Would be to not move because of a fear that I was ASSURED by multiple sources would never come to fruition. Let me tell you how that's panned out for me:

Day one, moving in day. Mike and I pray together thank our Father in Heaven for our MANY blessings, as we move in, Mike steps on something, making a huge crunching noise...the victim? a HUGE scorpion!!! I am talking movie size people.

Week two, I am helping devers move into her new home. I am feeling on top of the world, spiritually and emotionally. Stronger then ever, notice something out of the corner of my eye.... scorpion. My sweet niece is running around with her shoes off, so I kill it. I try not to freak out the rest of the day. ( we also accidentally killed a lizard in her house that same day (still SO sorry little guy)

Month two, after overcoming a few emotional trials through turning to My Father in Heaven, I wake up feeling ready to go and conquer my challenges, notice what LOOKS LIKE (sorry if this grosses you out) a large booger on my wall. I get close enough to realize its not a very gross booger BUT a baby scorpion..AHH! kill it. Feel itchy for a week. still shaking all my clothes and towels out....

TWO days ago. Mike has been traveling a lot, after a week by myself I can feel my self growing spiritually in some really awesome ways! loving it! I am ready to get up and make a difference in the world, oh yes...you know what comes next.... Olivia spots a LARGE scorpion, IN MY BEDROOM.

After some contemplating I have decided there is just no way around it. Satan is in My scorpion's. Each time I feel a big rush of spiritual happiness, I am greeted the next morning by one of my biggest fears. hmmmm. Coincidence? I don't know???It's almost like a message to not forget the opposition.

But let me tell you what. Lucky for me, the Lord knew all along what I can handle. I am finding that while I am constantly facing this stupid fear, I am learning what my real trials and fears were after all, and best of all, I am learning that I can conquer them. It may not be pretty( really its NOT pretty), it may take longer then I would like, but I can face the scariest things in my life, and even with some dignity. Or at least I would like to think I can.

But the bottom line in all this jumbled mess is a lesson I seem to be learning over and over ( thank you to book club for THE HIDING PLACE BY CORI TEN BOOM) its not how I face them, BUT, if I do it by my self or if I face my hardships with the Lord trusting in his knowledge grace and power. When I try my self I fail...every time, then I feel like junk. When I face my sorrows and fears and struggles by prayer and turning them over to the Lord, well, I might have to kill a few scorpions, but I make it through, and I feel stronger and more couragous then I knew was ever possible.

So now that I have had confession hour, Check my face book status in the morning( haha), I bet ya I might just be killing my worst fear....

Olivia,

Sassy,

"Little mommy"

in charge

shy

goofy

athletic

hard working

loves to read

loves the Lord

pretty much amazing!

Today is yaya's 8th birthday, its been 8 years of laughter, tears and bit of stubborn back and forth, and the best 8 years of our lives. The house feels empty when she is gone and who else would spoil Joey they way olivia does? She wants to make every one around her proud to be associated with her, she works hard and fights for what she wants. she is strong. I can't believe she is 8, such a big age in so many ways. She is still so innocent, I love the way she expects to world to hand her every dream she can imagine, and yet if it takes work she is not scared of it. she thinks big! she's our yaya and we couldn't be more proud!

LOVE YOU YAYA!! Happy Birthday!

potty training

In potty training you need several things, a childs potty, clorox wipes, lots of laundry soap, a treat if you decided that a reward will be helpful, and lots of patience and a child who is ready to be " a big kid"- this week is potty training week.

Honestly, I know it could be a lot worse, but after scrubbing down my bathroom for the millionth time and scrubbing yucky underwear, I decided that I am sure glad I know what I am doing after three kids because his potty business is no joke!

HOWEVER its also one of the things that let me know my "little baby" is actually a "big boy" (as I tell him after each victory)SO here's to little ones getting big...just let me finish scrubbing the toilet and wiping my tears

the angels among me

I have been doing a lot of thinking. I mean, I am not on the PTA, don't have a calling, my only Scentsy clients live hundreds of miles away, school started, so my kids are having fun with out me all day....so I have time to think. I mean don't get me wrong, moving, moving dev's family and trying to help out where I can keeps me busy..but not busy enough to stop the endless thoughts...

This week I wondered if I was going through some sort of early mid-life crisis...HAHA, I promise I am not over dramatic. =) BUT then I had a great thought pop into my mind (sure it was heaven sent) " look around you, stop worrying about who you are and what your doing with your time, look around you and enjoy what you find" Basically I received, in the form of a thought, a heaven sent treasure hunt.

You know what I found? that angels happen to walk among me. I mean when I lay it out, just the facts I have known and I daily interact with angels. they are angels because they have been through crazy things, hard thing, sometimes all in one week, yet they view them selves as regular people, sometimes they wonder if they will get a break, but they never think highly of themselves and they keep pushing forward even when it seems like the bricks keep getting thrown at them. here are some of the people I thought of and observed this week:

- I know a woman who in well into here later years of life, yet she works, takes care of family hours outside her home, has children in there thrityies depending on her and living with her, raises a grand daughter and fights serious health issues that she would never complain about...angel? I think so.

- I know a woman who was abused as a teenager in the worst ways, was pregnant young ( too young) fought through the abuse and hard pregnancy only to get married then divorced and endure hours of hard counselling and deep seeded fears -but grew to be a triumphant as any person could be, started life again only to get thrown more curveballs then she could count with her second baby, who has been in the hospital most of his life, she is going to home with a full ICU unit and a night time nurse just to get her through a day....can you image being this kind of person? I can't....she is an angel.

-I know a woman who has fought being disabled her whole life, lonely at times, sick and in the hospital more then any of us can count, once so sick that she literally had the option to let go and move to this next life, or choose and stay...honestly, I don't know why she stayed, life for here is not great.. after hours of thinking about her and her life I concluded she stayed for the rest of us, and even more for those who are touched by her that I don't even know...angel? for sure.

-I know a girl who has fought surgery after surgery trying to get an unknown problem fixed in her leg, she endures hours of pain, it hurts her to kneel to pray, yet she spread love and joy every where she goes...angel? YOU BET.

-I know a woman who takes care of all her children in every way, feeding them, clothing them, providing breaks from the daily stress of their lives, she even gives up her very house so her children can be more comfortable, she fights the fight with them, giving them courage to keep going..angel? I think so.

-I know a man who watches over three of the people whom I have spoken, he is gentle and kind. he works hard as he possibly can day in and day out, the whole time battling with his very own deamons ( don't we all have them?) wondering if he will ever be able to be everything he needs to be...and he is already...angel? uh huh..

- and the wife to the man above? you think she is just sitting down letting it all come around? nope she fights harder, gives more then any one I have ever seen. she fights until its not humanly possible to fight any more, takes a SMALL break and fights again...angel.....you better believe it.

Most of these are in my family...strong courageous people who fight seemingly impossible battles each day, while thrown the other curve balls of life, sometimes yelling in frustration, but usually just digging their heels in and taking it head on. they give all they can to every one they see. But there are so many in my life I have not named, I could write a book of the angels I know and it wouldn't be a short book!

I feel humbled to be near them, and sometimes unworthy to be counted among them as they fight and give and keep living with the only desire being to live a life worthy of making it back to live with their Heavenly Father. I love them and my prayer as I watch them, is that I might be more like them and that maybe someday they will see just what they truly are...angels.

WAIT...what?? its almost SEPTEMBER?!?!

So we moved, yep pretty sure most of you know that and its been a long and yet short process...and we are almost settled ( really I need to hang some pictures, arrange some flowers..that small stuff that I am feeling unmotivated to do.)

I think its time to blog again. school started, Olivia grew two clothing sizes in less then a month, LOTS of pictures to post, I turned my hair white and ended up embracing a state of barbie-ness, new town to discover, and new adventures all along the way for the Heller family. so its time to start blogging again. =) you ready?

she tapped out...she can't help you....

This weekend was a wonderful week end! Most of Saturday and Sunday was spent in our pj's all cozy in our blankets on our couch eating special treats and listening to the inspired words of our Church leaders...it was general conference weekend! In between the Sunday morning session and the afternoon session, olivia and Mike started a wrestle mania! the rule was, if you tapped out, you could not help any one else in the wrestling craziness.... Olivia is usually our head strong fighter. She NEVER taps. She always "wins". I didn't see it happened, but she tapped today, at some point she decided to do something unusual, give in. She was the first out of the fight. Poor jack. Did he ever have a chance? From the other room I hear Jack yell " HELP ME OLIVIA!! HELP ME!" and in return his dad shouts ( very dramatically if you can imagine that) " she tapped out...she CAN'T help you" Of course that was it and jack gave up.. It got me thinking about this weekend. Here I have been sitting and loving every moment of guidance and inspiration that comes, but what now? Of course I tell my self I am going to read and re-read my notes, I will be a better person, a miraculously changed woman and mother and wife.....really? SO, how has that worked for me in the past?? yeah. If life is like one big wrestle mania, never knowing what is going to come at me or how hard it might hit me in the face or twist my leg, how can I take what I learned this weekend and actually use it?? I know that some days I am like Olivia, I just tap, I shouldn't , but I do. I wonder if on those days, there was inspiration or prompting I needed to receive, but didn't. Maybe I had a friend who was silently saying prayers, and my Heavenly Father who couldn't rely on me..he had to find other ways because I just...tapped.

So here it is. I am not going to give up on the idea that change for the better is coming my way. I want to believe in myself enough to think I will be doing some changes. The person I saw outlined in conference this weekend was worth fighting to be. But the most important thing I got out of this weekend, was to use what I learned in the talks to help me not to tap out . To use those inspiring words to strengthen me when my hand is ready to hit the floor. Then get up and keep fighting! Because, I never want to be the one who can't help...because I just tapped.

cake week!

So every march for some reason I get to make several of my favorite projects...CAKES! Ihave never taken a class...I always enlist the help of some one better( thank you charity and brandi!!) and they get a little better each time. I wish it was somthing I could do more often! anyway so admist a very crazy week ( I know I always say that....but its always true!) I felt a whole lot of joy in creating some fun things! SO, here are the pictures of the two cakes this week. the castle on was for a our Relief society birthday dinner and obviously the ds one was for jack, I made the DS one GF so that every one enjoyed the day. =)

Mother of the year....or of the moment, I won't be picky

HA! so right at this very moment I feel like Mother of the year...or the moment, I really won't be picky even if all I get is a moment!!
I took the kids out..we toured the newest thing in our town, the new health food store. I have been awaiting its arrival for over a year now, and its beautiful! one of the best things we did while on our very exciting tour,

( seriously my kids were SO SO excited to see options in their GF/Dairy free diet! you might have heard silly squeals of joy on every isle from us, if you had been there of course!)

Was a nifty machine full of almonds...and by pressing the magic button it turned those almonds right into almond butter before your eyes! So we did and the kids thought it was awesome, and I felt like I had done something awesome! such a cool mom...I know don't get your feeling hurt..its a rare moment I need to bask in!
So then we got home and it was time to make dinner with a few of our precious finds..then I got the great Idea to make flourless almond butter cookies, you know like the peanut butter ones every one is always bragging about. So I did...and they are awesome....and my children could not be happier for the moment...which makes me " MOM of the....moment!"

Recipie you ask?? sure I combined a few to get what I deemed a good recipie:

1 cup almond butter
1 egg
3/4 white sugar
1/4 dark brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/2 salt
1 tap baking soda

easy easy! heat that oven to 350, give them about 8-10 minutes, but watch them close they are best to pull out when they have "set up" and that about it, pull them and let them Finish cooking on the pan. YUM!!

cute little joey.

My sweet joey said his first words last friday. I was reading the Gospel principles

manuel and he said " I want to read this book". so we did. we looked at all the pictures and I told him what they were about, on of them was a picture of a little boy who was sick and this little boy was getting a blessing.

Later As I preparing for my sunday liesson, I was kneeling in prayer and little joey was sitting in my lap. About half way through my prayer he stood up, went behind me and put his little hands on my head. I laughed and was glad that he understood SOMETHING out of what we had talked about.

Today I took him in for a routine checkup. we talked about his health and the dr. weighed him, did that tougne gagging thing, mesured him, looked in his ear..you get the picture! when she got to his lungs she listened for a LONG time. she stood up and said " I think we better give him a breathing treatment". I was suprised but, whatever, after his treatment they checked his saturation level...now ebign around aubery has taught me a few thing this last few weeks so I knew when it said 94 the dr. might actually be concerned. she was, we were sent for blood work and x-rays. after a long afternoon of fighting a scared 2 yr old I found out Joey has Pnemonia, in both lungs...yeah. so now on to breathing treatments 4x's a day and worring about him rcvoering so we don't end up in a hospital..It will be fine I am sure. but for some reason the thought of my son having the same thing sweet aubrey has in the hospital is a bit unnerving.... wouldn't you be bugged?

health care?? I don't think so...

O.k before I say what I need to say, I want to make a disclaimer:

I follow politics, I enjoy knowing whats going on in our government and whats happening in the world. HOWEVER, I don't know too many details, I can't necessarily tell you the names of the current laws being proposed, or even the exact person representing them. I decide whom I will vote for based on their ethics and values. When I feel like I have found some one which best represents my point of view..I vote for them. The same goes for the current bills being passed, I think about the bill and how it will effect my family, and do I feel like that bill will be good for my family and those around me. ANYWAY, this little ditty is on health care.

My sister, is disabled. I don't like to state that about her, because to me it has never mattered. But for the purpose of what I need to say, it should be stated. My sister, is disabled. About two weeks ago she became very sick, the care facility she stays in took her to the emergency room. she was admitted with Pneumonia in (what they told us at the time) lungs. By the next morning her left lung had collapsed, her heart rate was in the 150's and she was on the highest amount of oxygen she could be. we rushed to her side. As a family we prayed together, talked with the Doctors about the hardest of decisions, which every one felt at the time could be coming, and watched her her life teeter back and forth between letting go and going home, and fighting hard to stay with us. for any one who has gone through a similar experience, you know there are very few things so draining physically and emotionally as this.

For days she struggled, and then little by little is seemed as if she might just turn the corner to getting better and having this experience be as a distant memory. Then Saturday happened. Now as I mentioned My sister has outside issues beyond this current illness. One of those issues happens to be epilepsy. So seizures have become a struggle in her life, a part of ours. The thing that made this day so different was the number 2, never in her entire life has she had two in one day..ever. ....until saturday. Since that time the doctors have continued to follow a schedule that would mark a road to recovery except for one problem, SHE IS NOT RECOVERING! They have slowly taken away her oxygen, only to give it back because she struggles off and on, her feeding tubes have been plugged, she couldn't eat. they unplugged it. Then the next day decided it was time for her to eat regular food again, they took her off food of any kind to create an intense hunger so she would want to eat, the problem is that she was so weak that she gagged on the food and choked every time we tried to feed her, back in goes the feeding tube and a scheduled surgery comes for a permanent one.

EXCEPT WAIT! the drs. had told us that at her current state she was too weak to have any kind of surgery...but they pushed ahead anyway, we are so very thankful that she made it through the surgery. She struggled all that day, but they still pushed forward. They took out the tube which was draining the fluid out of her lungs so she could get going home..even though they can see her lung is not only still collapsed but has fluid in it. As soon as the tube was removed they began the talk of discharging her and this is where the even bigger problem comes.

Believe it or not, I have spared you SO many details in this ordeal, None of her doctors have agreed as to how to treat her or even what is really going on, each day a different story, but they all seem to be ready to let her go. The nurses are shocked at what they see, they care for a young woman in crictical care and don't understand why she would be released. My parents begg for more time only to be told no. My sister's care center will not take her back in her current situation, the hospital won't keep her. The one option in between a hospital and care center refuses to see her needs and take. So now what? Where will they even take her when she is released? how can she even survive with out the IV's and oxygen?

My sisters health care is government health care, with her disabilities that is what she has received her whole life. Now apparently her quality of life is not worth fighting for. Is this where we are headed? I can't tell you how many times the doctors looked me in the face and told me her quality of life is not good enough and we need to consider letting her go. BUT SHE STILL FIGHTS and as long as she still fights who are we to say she can't be given the chance?? If this is what my childrens future holds, I will fight with all I have to make sure they never have to live a life where they are told they are just not worth the fight. Where does it end? what qualifies a "good quality of life"? disabilities? age? sickness? WHAT?

Last night Aubrey had another seizure, she is back on oxygen, her fever keeps spiking and she is in pain, she has sores all over her back side, and with out IV fluids her blood pressure drops to dangerously low rates. But don't worry, the doctors say she is fine..she might even get to go home today.

Jack lost a tooth...

Jack Lost his first tooth yesterday! I (of course) was at a meeting, but Mike was in on the magic of the moment. =) he is so proud of himself. I just cant belivie he is so big! today he read us a BIG story. no problems....I love that guy, his sweet smile can melt your heart faster then anything else in the world. on valentines day we sat on his bedroom floor reading all his cards together, he talked and talked and talked...and then he looked at me and smiled and said..'Mom, I love you" ...yep, thats my Jack. =)

movin to the center....and I'm not talkin' politics people!

So today a big thing happened, I mean, its a big thing if you are a girl. I moved to the center.
well...mostly.

It was rough! But I have been observing for almost a year now that many of hollywoods nicest looking ladies are doing it...so I should too, right? LOL. ( this might be one of the few times I agree with this line of thinking so I had to say it)

what am I talking about you ask? my part...yes, you heard right, the part on my head.=) sounds like a small thing? let me excplain to you- that 1/4 of an inch can make a person look and feel totally different. For example- today I feel sassy maybe a little bit mysterious. sounds cheezy I know. when my part its in its normal place. I feel...normal, and when it is deeper to the side I felt younger... in general I have found through out my life that I am much more comfortable on the right side then on the left( HAHA)

...so I suppose we will see how trying out the "almost in the middle" for me goes..wish me luck! Because this is so HUGE, I just knew you needed to hear about it.

wish us luck!

Tonight, is a big night in the Heller house. Tonight is the night we start our new years budget. Its going to be crazy, its going to be intense. BUT, we can see what will come of our hard work and we are ready to take on the money...make it work for us, not against us...but it just might not be pretty for a while...I will try not to whine and get all emotional about it when it gets hard ( because it will be)
HOWEVER, I am determined to not look at a glass half empty before I have even enjoyed a nice BIG swallow of the cucumber mint water..its like being on a budget right? you get to feel good about not over doing it or being unhealthy, but at first you just might not feel full or heck, lets just say it you might not be satisfied with your good choice! Instead, you crave the sugar sweetness of a pop. Its only with time you come to learn to enjoy the mint and cucumber and its MANY benifits. so it is with a budget and money smart living. only with time tested benefits that bring peace are you satisfied...=) there you go. my first money analogy of 2011, I am sure there will be more to come.

gluten free-dairy free-beef free- corn free...everything free? for under $10.

the beginning of every week comes and here I am again, trying to meal plan. I have to admit this may be me beings wimpy here, but gosh I get so frustrated every Monday! here's an example of why:

dinner for tuesday:
gluten free chicken salad "sandwiches" for five:

Chicken: 4.00
Lettuce for wraps:2.00
bell pepper: 1.00
almonds: 2.50 ( SMALL bag)
Vegenaise: 8:50 ( DAIRY FREE, EGG FREE MAYO)
Craisens: 3.00 ( you need a few ingredients to off set the celery jack can't have)
Total?? $21.00
All other ingredients ( onion and seasonings) we have around the house.

Now to be fair, I only have to buy vegenasie every other meal when mayo is a key ingredient and the crasins we will use for more then one meal. BUT this is a good idea of how we eat from day to day. pork chops are really common in the heller home, since they are all the right specifications and honestly we get tired of chicken. So I am at my end whits and my sweet husband calls me back to chat before I head to the store. after discussing our budget and my frustrations, he volunteers to shop and cook this week, hopefully he can show me a better way, but we both figure if he can't feed us cheaper, at least from here on out we can be on the same page..because while I believe in what we are doing with and for our kids, its exhausting! and I just need a reset button sometimes.

the unknown secret ingredients..

Today as I run my scentsy, listen to calming music and clean my house at a snails pace, I feel a calm sense of peace and with that reflection. I thought about my life and what I really want, what we all want. In the end, I think a lot of life and the searching that comes with it, is in search of happiness- happiness now, in a week in a year, in ten years and after this life. I thought about my personal search for happiness, and the things I know bring me to find it. I contemplated many of the amazing people I am surrounded by, as I look at their lives I can see this is their every day search too, some seem to be more successful at finding peace and happiness then others.
I know that when I see some one who appears to have a greater amount of happiness it causes me to go into auto pilot mode, "how are they finding happiness easier then me, they don't even seem to be searching for it, it looks like it just finds them!? what and I doing so wrong?I will never be able to achieve that level of______" of course this is totally a negative out look, of course its not what I should do...but its just so darn natural!
SO as I contemplated life and my search for happiness along with all those I know, I found my self thinking about those who are struggling, I Wondered how I could help them feel how I feel RIGHT NOW. Happy, peaceful and safe in the knowledge of my Heavenly Father and his love for me. I want that most in my life all the time and I want it for those with in my reach ( if your reading this that includes you). So here is my thought for your finding happiness and I realized it works for me too.
Happiness is like the unknown secret ingredients of your favorite dessert. It seems so complex or hard to figure out, almost as if there recipie that would show you how to create it, and that recipie will include ( OF COURSE) the special secret ingredients you seem to be missing... but thats just an illusion, the ingredient is unknown. The reason its unknown is because YOU have to find it. Your happiness recipe and mine do not look alike, there fore you and I have to search for our secret ingredients on our own. which is why when we look at each other and can't figure it out...well there there is a reason for it. I also found that try as I might I can not find happiness for my friends and loved ones, its not possible for me to figure out any one secret ingredient....only the ones we have in common.
Because, we all have common ingredients. I believe with all my heart those common ingredients include following the Lord and his commandments, understanding how much he loves you and then sharing that love with every one around you. But beyond our common ingredients we each have tiny little secret ingredients that help us each to be happy, that make life taste just So So good! Maybe the ingredient is a good smelling home, a walk on a cool day, TIME with the ones you love most, for some it maybe the sounds of the rain out just out the window with a soft blanket and a good book. Life can be so good if we choose to do whats right and learn to look for our small secret ingredients that help us to feel peace, putting our focus on those things more then on other random unimportant things in our life. Because we are all different our happiness and how we achieve it is different, our paths while all headed the same direction, are just different.
I might add that its o.k to mix it up! I can almost certainly say that my favorite dessert changes from time to time and if you had told me 10 years ago that a nice 5.00 smell, some soft music and slow methodical cleaning would make be feel amazing. I might have laughed. But right now, it works for me! I am guessing in ten years it will be different.
Take the time, look around, enjoy what you have because the very things in front of you MIGHT just be your small secret ingredients that make all the work and trying to be good and get where we need to be feel worth it...and give you hope that the end goal is actually obtainable.

when you google your name....

this is a fun thing to do sometimes...google your name. I found all sorts of interesting things...such a a woman named Bridgette Heller, one little letter differece but she seems to be doing big things with her life since she's every where. it was interesting to realize that even with a public blog and profile page ( not public) there were not any pictures of me. on a side note, I would not reccomend only googleing my first name, apparently its fairly popular amongst a crowd of people who take pictures....that shouldn't be looked at. so in all my looking, I found a barbie type doll named after me. I thought it was funny! heres the link. have a great day!

http://www.lollipopgirlpower.com/dolls/mini-brigette.cfm

I think A good ones a comin'....

HAHA, this is why I love to blog. I can show off my ridiculous personality and no one needs to read it or care what I am writing but me. I just want to say I feel the brewing of a really good blog coming..I just need to take two pictures to go with it....are you on the edge of your seat?? you should be! LOL
here I am with 15 minutes till piano starts a closet to rearrange, then off to the store to buy a b-day present, then a church meeting...when are we suppose to eat?? I don't know! but don't worry because I just needed to write about the good blog I may some day write.
In the mean time, a quick update on the kids:

Olivia: happy, her hair is getting SO long and she refused to cut it, loves to read, play star wars, and do anything the involves goals and collecting things. right now she is obsessed with the disney rewards program. she is my little mommy and I am so grateful for the help she often gives me. she is currently going gluten free and it seems to be helping with her stomach aches in the morning and her hair. shes not loosing TONS every day any more. her skin rashes have also disappeared.

Jack: SO happy, he LOVEs school, he is very social. love to play anything electronic. and is very curious. he thinks his sister is the coolest thing since dairy free ice cream and gf donuts. hes so loving and when he relaxes and watches movies he leans back and buts his little hands behind his head. its so cute! he sings loudly and obnoxiously on purpose. hes one crazy dude.

Joey: busy...busy and .....busy. yesterday I found him al sorts of funny places because he is SO bored with the kids back in school. he destroyed the game closet and right now is taking apart the movie shelf. he is funny as heck and we laugh at his goofy personality all day long. he learned how to go to bed like a big boy on saturday night. after coming out of his bed a little over 100 times saturday he only tried once sunday..and not at all last night. He loves his family and is always quick to tell you what he wants and give big hugs...I wish he wasn't getting so big!

so that's the kids. happy, healthy and enjoying every moment we can.I hope your day is fabulous and you get every thing done you need to.....cause I am probably not going to, so some one should . =)

a new year

well, its back to blogging. I have more thoughts then I know what to do with, so back to blogging therapy! =) today I have been in the strangest mood, so I sat down to play the piano, like always, and I played this song and I remembered how much I love it and the message I get every time I sit down and sing it at the top of my lungs ( poor jack must have been embarrassed since he had friends over, and I wasn't holding back, and I haven't sang, I mean really sang, in a while... but....oh well)

Like the sunlight falls on me,
Light from heaven helps me see.
and when the mist arise to blind my eyes,
the the truth shines upon me and I see,

Fear is a lie.

Fear is Like the clouds that veil the earth from the sun,
Faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done.
and when the fear inside me says that all me hope is gone,
Faith in heaven lifts me up and shouts, I've just begun.

and then I sing a song of praise,
for the hope with in me raised. from the heights above,
Faith and hope are mine.
The clouds that covered me and kept me down, are far behind!

Fear is like the clouds that veil the earth from the sun,
faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done
and when the fear inside me says that all my hope is gone,
faith in heaven lifts me up and shouts, I've just begun.

Believing leads to truth and light,
fear can turn the day to night,
but even in the dark the way is clear,
always follow faith and never fear!!

Fear is like the cloud that veil the earth from the sun,
faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done,
and though the fear inside me says that all my hope is gone
faith in heaven lifts me up and shouts! I've just begun......I've just begun

This song is so happy and gives me a solid reminder that faith is where its at! I am so grateful for the power of music in my life and the change that just one song can make.