As my oldest child grows and matures I find myself in more and more...ummm...Debates(?) with her. Our oppinion on things such as bathing and amounts of play time seem to be changing by the moment. It is SO hard to keep my temper in check. I am not a patient person, I try to be, I have improved a lot of over the years, but in general, I am not as patient as I know I want to be yet- anyway, these debates drain every one in the house.
Today the issue of "not fair" came up about 1,000 times over how often she should take a shower. About half way through the " debate" I realized I was approaching the situation wrong. I was trying to help her understand why it "was fair". But in the end, if you are dealing with someone who believes they have been wronged, they are NEVER going to try to see it your way, especially if that would require a change of heart and mind where they would have to do the very thing they don't want to.
So how do I fix this problem? Well...... I still don't know, BUT, I think we found something that may lead us to a solution in the future. I asked her a question that went something like this:
do you think its fair that I have to clean your room before company comes because you don't care enough to?? do you think its fair that I have to clean up your puke when you throw up? do you think its fair I am all alone when your dad travels and have to be a mom and a dad? that I have to cook every single dinner? give joey baths even when he screams at me? mop the floors every day, wake up early...ect...you get the idea, and I actually can't remember WHAT examples I used of my daily life...
she decided " no that's not fair"
I told her I thought it WAS fair. Do I love doing those things? Not always, BUT Sometimes we do things just because we should- it's called responsibility. There are also times we do things because they just happen to be in front of us events big and small in our lives and we have to either kick and scream about it or GET IT DONE.
she said she hated taking baths, I told her to invent soap that cleans you with out water. LOL.
My point ( and I explained it to her) was simple. Life is going to throw you all sorts of things that feel unfair, but in the end, the only thing you or I can control is what we do with them. no matter what is going on, routine life or random incidents how we act determines the out come. I realized there is truly no circumstance that is "unfair" because "unfair" is simple a state of mind. its all about our attitude reguardless of the situation. If you don't like it...CHANGE it. there is ALWAYS a way to make change even when you feel like all is lost, look outside yourself and see what you can do, the greatest stories of history are based on this simple principle of creating change in "unfair" situations.
I am grateful for children who stretch my understanding each and every day...Life feels pretty 'fair" to me right now. =)
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
the squishy problem....
.Thing morning I found my self in a bit of a parenting debacle. You see, my children work hard doing their chores each week and as a reward for their hard work, they get allowance that goes into three places: spending money, tithing to our church and savings. They choose to spend a healthy amount of their spending money at school on little toys called squishes. Along with the little toy comes a "code" which my children can enter on line to get prizes such as more virtual squishes, farm land, food a fish bowl to put the water squishes in....you get the point.
My oldest daughter is highly competitive and is DETERMINED to have more real life and virtual squishes then her younger brother. so each day she does her chores faithfully and even asks for extra chores for extra money.
My son, is.....a bit lazy. He misses his chores regularly and complains when he does do them. But he figured out how to beat the system a bit in the Virtual squishy world, and thus came my parenting debacle and a clearer understanding of free market verses the fairness doctrine.
My children noticed a few days ago that many kids at school were purchasing squishes but for whatever reason, most students saw no real value in the accompanying codes, so they tossed them on the play ground and went away with their prize in hand. My very competitive and smart daughter realized she could walk the playground and collect these items,in a short amount of time she would have MANY MANY more codes to enter on-line and her virtual kingdom could be built quickly!Her younger lazy brother also saw the value of what she was doing after her first "cash in" on the computer, so the next day guess what he did? He came home with about 30, he cleaned the playground leaving no stone unturned.
This morning I was greeted with tears from my daughter. " it's not fair! he gets out to the play ground earlier then me. By the time I get there most of the codes are gone. NOW he will get more squishes on-line then I will!!"
So how does this relate to free enterprise vs. the fairness doctrine you ask? isn't it Obvious?
If I were to teach my Daughter about being an entrepreneur, I would tell her how smart her Idea was, I would congratulate her on her already vast kingdom- and then the hard part- I tell her she has to not only search for new ideas to build her growing kingdom, but be happy that her brother worked hard on an idea they hatched together and was successful. Whats more, she CAN"T expect a pay out. She didn't DO anything to warrant one. If he is a nice boy, a kind boy, the way I am trying to raise him, hopefully he will let his wealth "trickle down" to her by sharing ( as she did the day before). BUT, since he earned it by himself I can't really take it away....in the name of "fairness".
Or could I? I am the mom right???
I mean I could tell him it was her Idea first, I could tell him it didn't matter if he worked all three recesses to collect them- she DESERVES to have the same size kingdom he does. Then I could take half of what he earned and give it to her, I mean it would be FAIR...right??
I don't think so...you see....I believe this generation is o.k with the fairness doctrine because no one gets their " feelings hurt". But what about my son who for the first time saw an opportunity and TOOK IT!He worked hard and saw the results, if I take it from him now, then why do the hard work? What will we create for our future if this is what we teach? I think we know the answer, if we teach our children every thing has to be fair or we can't be happy, we will create a generation of Lazy un happy people, its already happening and it starts by the way we parent and it ends with the way our society is run by those in charge. I pray we can find a leader who understand what is at stake here and in the mean time I will just keeping teaching mine whats most important in life. Hard work, love, faith and more maybe a little more hard work so we can keep the things we love and have faith in, alive...
.
My oldest daughter is highly competitive and is DETERMINED to have more real life and virtual squishes then her younger brother. so each day she does her chores faithfully and even asks for extra chores for extra money.
My son, is.....a bit lazy. He misses his chores regularly and complains when he does do them. But he figured out how to beat the system a bit in the Virtual squishy world, and thus came my parenting debacle and a clearer understanding of free market verses the fairness doctrine.
My children noticed a few days ago that many kids at school were purchasing squishes but for whatever reason, most students saw no real value in the accompanying codes, so they tossed them on the play ground and went away with their prize in hand. My very competitive and smart daughter realized she could walk the playground and collect these items,in a short amount of time she would have MANY MANY more codes to enter on-line and her virtual kingdom could be built quickly!Her younger lazy brother also saw the value of what she was doing after her first "cash in" on the computer, so the next day guess what he did? He came home with about 30, he cleaned the playground leaving no stone unturned.
This morning I was greeted with tears from my daughter. " it's not fair! he gets out to the play ground earlier then me. By the time I get there most of the codes are gone. NOW he will get more squishes on-line then I will!!"
So how does this relate to free enterprise vs. the fairness doctrine you ask? isn't it Obvious?
If I were to teach my Daughter about being an entrepreneur, I would tell her how smart her Idea was, I would congratulate her on her already vast kingdom- and then the hard part- I tell her she has to not only search for new ideas to build her growing kingdom, but be happy that her brother worked hard on an idea they hatched together and was successful. Whats more, she CAN"T expect a pay out. She didn't DO anything to warrant one. If he is a nice boy, a kind boy, the way I am trying to raise him, hopefully he will let his wealth "trickle down" to her by sharing ( as she did the day before). BUT, since he earned it by himself I can't really take it away....in the name of "fairness".
Or could I? I am the mom right???
I mean I could tell him it was her Idea first, I could tell him it didn't matter if he worked all three recesses to collect them- she DESERVES to have the same size kingdom he does. Then I could take half of what he earned and give it to her, I mean it would be FAIR...right??
I don't think so...you see....I believe this generation is o.k with the fairness doctrine because no one gets their " feelings hurt". But what about my son who for the first time saw an opportunity and TOOK IT!He worked hard and saw the results, if I take it from him now, then why do the hard work? What will we create for our future if this is what we teach? I think we know the answer, if we teach our children every thing has to be fair or we can't be happy, we will create a generation of Lazy un happy people, its already happening and it starts by the way we parent and it ends with the way our society is run by those in charge. I pray we can find a leader who understand what is at stake here and in the mean time I will just keeping teaching mine whats most important in life. Hard work, love, faith and more maybe a little more hard work so we can keep the things we love and have faith in, alive...
.
Friday, February 3, 2012
the best me
Today I am making a cake, as I dump in ingredients and listen to the hum of my new mixer I find a sense of quiet and peace. I love these moments to work with my hands to create something.
As I thought about my life and compared it to others, I began to see things a bit different, it was a glimmer of light that came into my brain. ;)
I wonder if each day I live, if I am being the "best me" I can be. I think it doesn't matter for us as Children of God what our role here on earth is. We often look around and see people doing things, wonderful things, BIG things. Things that make them famous. We see those around us making mistakes, little ones that drive us crazy, big ones the may cause them extreme unhappiness and we judge it all. Sure, tell your self you don't have an opinion as to what others are doing with their lives. If you can say that...I think you are a rare specimen. Most of us try not to, but we do it anyways. Whats worse is that most of us are using that opinion to make our self feel better OR to justify our perceived weaknesses. Either way it results in negative thoughts and talk.
SO BACK TO THE POINT, am I being my "best me"? I don't think it matters what religion ( or lack thereof) you are living at this moment, I don't think it matters whether you are famous or shy and introverted. I don't think it matters if you are changing poopy diapers or running for President of the United States. Are you being your best you?
Because if you want to be happy. If you want to " find the path" to where your life should go, you have to be your best you. If you want the powers that be ( I firmly believe that those powers are a Loving Heavenly Father) to work in your life, you have to be ready! That means you have to be the most kind, hard working, loving, don't let the world get to you or get you down person you can be.
So scrub that toilet like there is no tomorrow, train that group of customers like your whole career depends on it, stick to the truths in your heart like your life is in hanging in the air and you don't know when it will drop, because you don't know. If you want to be happy, be the best you. If you want to Let God work in your life, you have to be the "best you" that you know how to be.
DON'T GET DISTRACTED, its so easy in this world when you have a negative thought or have to deal with a drama to sit down and zone out, DON'T. I fall victim to this too often and I find myself going to bed at night with regret, thinking, I was NOT my " best me".
Understand if you go about making this change, others won't be happy for you. You see, when you are celebrating your "best you" moments, they may not have figured out yet that you are just taking charge of you own moments, your own day, your life. They will wish they could be happy washing the sticky floors and loosing those last 10 pounds. Love them, let them know your secret and most of all BE HAPPY be the "best you" you can be!
love you all.
boo
As I thought about my life and compared it to others, I began to see things a bit different, it was a glimmer of light that came into my brain. ;)
I wonder if each day I live, if I am being the "best me" I can be. I think it doesn't matter for us as Children of God what our role here on earth is. We often look around and see people doing things, wonderful things, BIG things. Things that make them famous. We see those around us making mistakes, little ones that drive us crazy, big ones the may cause them extreme unhappiness and we judge it all. Sure, tell your self you don't have an opinion as to what others are doing with their lives. If you can say that...I think you are a rare specimen. Most of us try not to, but we do it anyways. Whats worse is that most of us are using that opinion to make our self feel better OR to justify our perceived weaknesses. Either way it results in negative thoughts and talk.
SO BACK TO THE POINT, am I being my "best me"? I don't think it matters what religion ( or lack thereof) you are living at this moment, I don't think it matters whether you are famous or shy and introverted. I don't think it matters if you are changing poopy diapers or running for President of the United States. Are you being your best you?
Because if you want to be happy. If you want to " find the path" to where your life should go, you have to be your best you. If you want the powers that be ( I firmly believe that those powers are a Loving Heavenly Father) to work in your life, you have to be ready! That means you have to be the most kind, hard working, loving, don't let the world get to you or get you down person you can be.
So scrub that toilet like there is no tomorrow, train that group of customers like your whole career depends on it, stick to the truths in your heart like your life is in hanging in the air and you don't know when it will drop, because you don't know. If you want to be happy, be the best you. If you want to Let God work in your life, you have to be the "best you" that you know how to be.
DON'T GET DISTRACTED, its so easy in this world when you have a negative thought or have to deal with a drama to sit down and zone out, DON'T. I fall victim to this too often and I find myself going to bed at night with regret, thinking, I was NOT my " best me".
Understand if you go about making this change, others won't be happy for you. You see, when you are celebrating your "best you" moments, they may not have figured out yet that you are just taking charge of you own moments, your own day, your life. They will wish they could be happy washing the sticky floors and loosing those last 10 pounds. Love them, let them know your secret and most of all BE HAPPY be the "best you" you can be!
love you all.
boo
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