something in the air.

I don't know what it is about today, but it just needed to be a blogging day. This morning was uneventful, which to me these days is like a vacation, there was nothing on the "HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW OR ELSE EVERYTHING BLOWS UP!" list....sweet Joey was sick, so I was forced to get some phone calls done, watch a little project runway and rock my baby. It was nice.

This afternoon I painted the crown molding in the family room, celebrated the tile getting done in the bathroom, received a phone call that stressed me out, made a random dinner, and here I am.
The house is finally getting where it feel good. I look around and see many future projects, new base bords in the bedrooms, new door in livy and jacks rooms, Jackson would love some shelves in his room and maybe a door handle =) But all in all each and every thing we do from next week out, will only make our home nicer then it already is, which we think is pretty nice! I will have to post some pictures when I get to our other computer..where they are stored.

so here I am just feeling odd and grateful for life all at once. we have been so abundantly blessed right now, I dont even know where to start to thank my Heavenly Father. I can not remember a time in our marriage when he has poured out so many blessings at one time for us. Of course In my mind I feel very confused and conflicted at this time..it seems like when there are blessings, its also the time when I don't deserve it the least, grateful for them, but confused as to why the Lord is so gracious to a unworthy soul sometimes..

I have had to make many changes to adapt to our new busy life of three kids, and law school. It often causes me to reflect on who I am and where I am going. I find my self looking back to where I have been, its almost like I am grasping desperately at that former me knowing she was pretty cool( in a few select areas), and yet I have changed, I am not the same and who I become is left for me to determined, I feel caught between past and future...is this a mid life crisis I am having?!? lol. It sounds more serious then I mean it. But it has been in the air for a while and I feel it pulling me in...and yet the "it" I describe is unidentifiable. I don't know where I am headed in the near future, and yet I feel "it" out there as if I am searching and "it" is waiting and at some point, I will know I have found what I am looking for. Oddly enough I found my self reading a similar statement in Sarah Pailin's new book. she describes the time between one of her endeavors and the run for Governor. I related to what she said, I don't think her path is mine, I just related to the feeling. So I know I am not crazy, just searching, I will find it.

I am not alone. In this grand journey I have many things( to clarify in saying "things" I mean the gospel, scriptures, ect.) and many people who love me and want to see me succeed even if the" it" I am searching for is just learning to love in greater lengths or in a deeper way, or reaching out to some one I had not thought of, or finding more peace in the reading of a book to my angels instead of letting lives many diversions capture my attention. It doesn't matter where I am headed for now, as long as I do what I know I should and have eternal goals (which I happen to have. =) ) it will all work out. Time to get on my knees...get up... and go to WORK! And In the mean time I just keep reminding my self of what Sis. Wilson taught me: To look behind and examine my past plowed rows, only make crooked one moving forward.
I must embrace to good of the past and use it to create a better straighter stronger row in the future!