one heck of a morning.

This morning i decided we should have a better day then yesterday. yesterday was just " one of those days" for me personally. By four in the afternoon i had a good melt down and I was grateful for my- always amazing- neighbor, who helped me put things back in perspective and end on a higher note.....literally!

So this morning I woke up tired but pretty determined to be and do better today.....so we found the back yard just beyond torn up by the lovely dog, I mean it was bad, so the kids started to pick it up while I cleaned inside. Olivia and I had to go round and around because she lied to me and then threw a HUGE fit when I pointed it out and sent her to her room.Joey had two HUGE blow outs and jackson decided his word of the day is " NO!!"- by ten I was already tired and decided to "start fresh" get a long shower and regroup.

As soon as I got out of the shower Olivia came running in yelling " the sink in over flowing all over onto the floor. " Luckily it was the garage sink, not so lucky our garage happens to be a crazy mess of things because of the kids pulling it totally apart this last week and not putting any thing away, so about 5 loads of laundry and too many things to name are now being soaked by my laundry water.

Olivia and I jump into action with buckets, dumping the water in the back yard...she was wonderful, unfortunately the rest of my children decided this was their moment to truly shine! joey had another blow out which I didn't catch in the moment because of the over flowing sink...so he wandered the neighbor hood with a mess all down his legs, the dog escaped and was running free ( she is hard to catch) and Jackson continued his mantra of " NO"as I am shouting for help with various things. I had to laugh a bit. I mean if I were our neighbors I would look and the nasty garage- now open to the world, the sink with water freely flowing into the street, the frantic mom, poop down the legs baby, crazy dog on the loose and DS yelling NO 5 years old and wonder who the heck these people were.

we are still working on getting the mess cleaned up....but currently we have all taken a break. so as I am trying to once again regroup this morning and get the house which is now worse then before cleaned up, on a day when I need to be on top of things because my husband has huge things going on, and I have to wonder what I am supposed to be learning at this moment, because it seems like I have had day after day like this lately. you know I actually was singing to myself this song, in the craziness...just because I needed it.

" my life is a gift, my life has a plan,
my life has a purpose in heaven it began,
my choice was to come to this lovely home and earth,
and seek for God light to direct me from birth,
I will follow Gods plan for me,
holding fast to his word and his love,
I will work and i will pray,
I will always walk in his way,
and I will be happy on earth,
and in my home above."

i suppose that all I need to remember right?

s

Sick

I am Sick...I mean, I am SICK of being sick. It all stared the week of Eclipse, and it still hasn't gone away. so a now over a month of feeling like I can't breath..I can't run or swim, or sing or really clean properly. I am tired all the time...becuase I can't breath...so I am sick of it. I decided I was going to get better on sunday, just belivie it and pray about it and dang it, it was gonna work...it kind of did, but after a week of "getting better" I find myself in a worse spot then before, the cough has returned. Tomorrow is a third dr. appt. I hope she has some magic up her sleeve cause I am SO over this!! ( now that I have vented...I MAY be able to get over it) lol

the not so still pool

Mike and I started P90X this week, OH MAN, I cant hardly move! So yesterday while I tried to cool down, I stepped out into our back yard and sat to enjoy the very calming still pool. It is such a pretty shade of blue and seemingly so still, which was refreshing since most of the time when I am out there I am playing with the kids and trying to keep Joey safe ( hes crazy).
as I watched the still water it occurred to me that it was never really still. In the big pool I could see the tiniest things such as a baby fly or seed of a plant sent small ripples across ed the entire body of water. since there are ALWAYS small things entering the water, its ALWAYS moving.

I thought about my stress level. I often think, If I could remove the stress from my life it would be like a calm pool, wouldn't that be relaxing? Except on this morning I realized it would not be possible for me to really enjoy the pool with out dipping into its refreshing waters. But if I let myself into the water then it creates bigger waves...the calmness of the still pool disappears, so if I am enjoying life, its probably going to come with some stress...maybe from trying to get all the things I need to get done, DONE..... and still enjoying the day, or maybe from wanting to go places and then working to afford it...either way stress comes with life....

In the end pools are not meant to be swam in alone..not if you want to have fun!! except I realized that If I have others join me in my pool,9 heck even my husband and kids...which obviously I chose that route in life =)) well, that creates huge waves and splashes...so it is with our life, the more people you let into your pool the more stress....

so the even though I understand better how stress works in my life -because of my pool, I also am learning how to manage, my waves and splashes and ripples and even enjoy them, because if the pool is like my life, then I better jump in and enjoy it!

By the way obviously I love analogy's this is just how my brain works, so for those of you who take the time to read this, Just know I really love you!!

garden days

Despite the fact that the dog ate 90% of our garden about 12 tomato plants survived and we have grapes a plenty! so here are some pictures of the kids enjoying it! I makes me SO happy to see the few things we have been able to grow and the Kids eating them like they are the best thing ever!

American Idol

SO today I finally allowed myself to think about it....I have not been able to in the past because its a mixture of...well lets face it, I have to fight all my insecure demons, to possibly(?) (working on being positive here) get shot down and told that I should listen to them after all.....

you are probably wondering what I am talking about, let me tell you! My cute family started a face book page called " we think Brigette should try out for American Idol" and yes it has about 50 people family and friends on it. The thing is, they have all been so sweet and supportive that it made me wonder if my demons were real or fake, I suppose one way to find out its to try...

SO knowing that if anything came about, This blog would all the sudden be read by more the two or three people, lol, I want it to be know that I love to sing, when I am happy, sad or angry or confused, I sit down at that piano and sing my heart out. My poor neighbors get a concert every day because I love to sing! It is one of the things that makes me happy in those moments when nothing else can.

I am not young, I don't have a Mariah Carey like voice, but maybe I can let me self think that the world would enjoy hearing a Mom of three, wife of ten years, PTA loving, Relief Society goin' girl sing her heart out, and maybe they would even enjoy it. Maybe not...I mean the insecure demons say no one wants to hear it. BUT If I can get a my voice back, I am going to drive myself those two hours and try to remember how cute girls dress and do their makeup and sing my heart out...and MAYBE some one will enjoy it!

So, if you few friends and family who read this blog and love me, just because you do and you want to help, I need song suggestions. I love jazz and I need three songs with about 18 seconds of awesomeness....any suggestions?

suppose I should keep posting!

I have had issues with my blog lately its taking FOREVER to load, but today its working so I suppose I should post! The summer is almost over ( which I can not believe) but that makes me reflect on what we have done with our summer and what we still want to do with the few weeks left, here are a few- very few- pictures of our summer. Looking at our pictures I realized it been an awesome summer because we have done basically two things...Hang out with the family constantly ( which is incredible since we live over 7 hours apart) and SWIM since this is our very first summer with a pool of our own...its pretty much been awesome!! Can any one remember if I blogged about joey and the 18 eggs? I just found those very sweet pictures. SO, with the few more weeks left, I think we will " just keep swimming" and get our house organized and ready for the new crazy school year!

sleepin on a rock...

This last weekend my husband and I had the privilege to go on the Stake pioneer trek with the youth. it was incredible! It effected me in ways I can not even begin to describe..so I won't try. =) but It truly was a blessing and honor to be there and be part of it.



We only got to stay one night up there, but our one night taught me a lesson, Which I already shared with a few people, so, sorry to you guys! Mike put up our tents for us, originally I was going to sleep in the tent with with the girls and mike was going to take the one man by himself, but as the night came close I didn't want him to be alone, so I skipped the girl party to be with my man-the only problem was this- he reserved the best spot of ground for the ladies, and put himself in what I thought for sure must be the worst spot of ground possible! there were rocks in my shoulder, hips and knees, it was a really rough night! The next morning as we were taking down the tent I mentioned to my friend how horrible it was, the worst part was that I knew from experience that once we removed the tarp from the ground it would probably be revealed to me that they were tiny rocks..nothing even worth noticing. I have had this happen quite a few times before! we laughed about it and then talked about how this could be a good analogy for life.



sometimes when we look at others we can see their life and we see the pain they are going through, often times while they are in the process of whining about their pain we might think " but your rocks are so tiny...are you really going to whine about this??" Makes sense right, how many trials have felt so huge to you? so painful? yet when we look back in life we can see that they were mere stepping stones to becoming better and stronger, and perhaps we even see that our rocks weren't so big after all. Of course there are those cases when the rocks weren't mere pebbles but boulders...but that's not what I want to focus on. Think about how you perceive others? are you looking at them and questioning their trials? Have you not had your own rocks to deal with? I am sure you have been questioned in those "rocky" moments and you want to scream at the person questiong you "HELLO?? DON"T YOU SEE THIS ROCK I AM DEALING WITH??" the answer is yes, they see it....just they see it differently and are not feeling it like you.



So we lift the tarp and guess what, I didn't even have rocks! It was just bumpy dirt! I felt so dumb...but it really was painful and uncomfortable! It made me evaluate our analogy a bit more to realize that no matter how big or small or maybe even NOT EXISTENT others rocks may look, its hard for them, whatever the trial and I can help by loving them and being their friend, until the day they lift their own tarp up to realize where they have come from and what they learned. Have a wonderful week every body!