Next step

Tomorrow is Jacks next big Dr. Appt. After living...ready for this?

Gluten free
Dairy free
Egg free
Beef Free
Cherry free
Cabbage free
Peaches, and then we looked at the tests again and realized we got it wrong...
Apricot free
Celery Free

Jack has an appt with the allergist tomorrow, I am hoping we re-test on everything ( but the gluten) again so that we can see if MAYBE he is ready to take on a little more egg, a little more dairy and well, the rest of the list.

 I have given him closely monitored tests over the last three years, but he always ended up sick. YET, In order to make sure we have the correct results I have given him trace amounts of eggs and dairy for two weeks now and other then him being a little bit emotional he seems to handle it O.K. ... so there might be a little hope for his situation yet. =)

ON the Celiac side of things, we did the genetic testing on him. He is a carrier of the celiac gene. Our G.I dr said after this appt tomorrow, we can make a plan as to how we to move forward and get real answers.

So yeah, a process to say the least, but all I have ever wanted was a team of dr.s who actually cared and helped me figure this out and with a lot of help from above, good friends here and a little push for a mama bear, we might just have found that

My not so perfect/ perfect life.

After a nice talk as a couple last night Mike and I decided to make some positive changes in our lives. So I made sure not to do ANYTHING until my " priorities" were taken care of first. Of course, as it always seems to when you put the important things first, my day went beautifully. Read my scriptures, prepared a great Family Home Evening, Spent time with my little man, lunch with one of my favorite sassy ladies, renewed a childhood friendship,Listened to great music all day, spent time with my littlest sister, cleaned, worked, all of it before 4:00 P.M.

Yep, I was feeling amazing....and then...

The chicken at dinner wouldn't cook, why? you got me, I am a good cook- I couldn't figure it out. My GF pasta was doing strange things. The Garlic ( MAJOR ingredient in tonight's dinner) was no where to be found, so I looked for that power garlic stuff that my mom keeps by the buckets, nope, not a single, gritty little speck. Then I discover that Joey took my 7.00 Pint size DF ice cream out of the freezer at some point today. My entire FHE lesson was based on an object lesson using ice cream, and it was dessert...and it was EXPENSIVE and now pretty much ruined! My daughter had a small meltdown over friend problems and the boys decided to have an all our running, yelling like baboons, shooting nerf guns war. 

As the headache started to set in I thought, My life is JUUUUUSSSSTT perfect.

A Quick prayer was said as I anxiously watched my chicken. I knew I don't deserve any super star treatment from The Lord, but I was worried about the negative thought train I was about to embark on.... so I asked for help.

and then......

My noodles worked out somehow. I think I had an o.k talk with Olivia. I remembered that this one seasoning mixture I use had a main ingredient of garlic powder and if I used it, It MIGHT work out. My brother took pity on me and helped calm the boys down. Olivia made a magical suggestion to use the lump of ice cream in the middle of the pint that was still frozen for my lesson, put the rest in the freezer and then make milkshakes for dessert. The chicken finally cooked, and we sat down for a nice dinner as a family.

At dinner I found my self looking at my children and realizing everything somehow worked out and then I thanked The Lord for my not so perfect/ perfect life.

Because I choose so...

I think I could be a comedian. See? Your laughing already. ;)

 No seriously, I just got out of the shower on a hundred and bazillion degree day and came up with a whole parody about my Arizona "shower after my shower" talking about the amount of sweat you sweat AFTER your shower here in AZ because its SO stinkin' hot. But the problem is I would have to let you into my secret head space, the one that uses crass words and gross analogies to get my point across and be " funny". I thought about sharing a little here with you, but then I realized that it would forever alter the way those I love see me AND inturn effect how I see my self.

You see, I am in no way shape or form perfect or even have the cleanest, most innocent mind, but most people (even family) do not realize this. You know why? Because I choose not to share it.   In high school friends would say " Brigette you would never say something mean about _____ or never talk about_____" but it wasn't because the mean thoughts or other types of thoughts didn't exist. It was because I choose not to share it.

You might be asking why I am letting you in on this secret or why it even matters. It's because I see so many wonderful strong individuals choosing to share their inappropriate thoughts in order to get a few more likes on face book or get re-tweeted on Twitter. Then it moves to their REAL social life and the stories that should never be shared start getting a little action and with the laughter a few more stories get shared. HELLO, what happens in your bedroom or after your shower, or in the bathroom and a dr.s appt, should stay there and not be laid out for our entertainment. Who are we becoming as individuals and as a society? Where does this all lead us? What are we showing our children of living a good honest and real life?

 Now you think I am a snot, I know, I get it a LOT, and in the last ten years as our society and the manners by which we once lived deteriorate, I get it even more. I feel alone a weird sometimes for choosing not to be my inner, more natural self. Instead, I believe I am WORKING everyday on being MORE then my natural inner self. I choose the Downton Abby way of manners more often then Arrested Development ( which seriously have you read my blog? or followed my family on FB? Our family could be the next big honey boo boo type show). NOT that it's not funny, but I have noticed the more I watch "funny" the more I think its o.k to be that way.

I choose not to because in my religion we believe in a life after this one, One that will be determined by the condition of your heart here in this life and the choices you made. I believe in being more then I currently am, that's also why I love the American dream- it's all about becoming more, and its acutally possible. I think of the after life much the same, I can become more,do more, be more,  but not with out constant work, diligence and my sight aligned with correct principles and views. I Choose not to.... not because its easy but because I believe My Savior when he tells me I can be more.

fun...

Got to do this fun thing for work....

• Who was your favorite celebrity as a child? Debbie Gibson, Mariah Carey
• What type of pets do you have? I have a cute dog names Mylie
• What is your favorite color? anything sparkely 
• What is most memorable about your high school years? HA! leaving them...no probably cheerleading
• What word describes you best?  my daughter says " talented" I say "honest"..lol
• What is your greatest accomplishment? my greatest accomplishment comes at the end of every day when I tuck my children in bed and know they feel loved and safe...
• What drives you every day? adventure, I am always looking for a new adventure, something new to learn
• Where do you want to retire? Somewhere warm
• What is your business goal this year? To feel like I am contributing my fullest to all I am involved in.
• Where do you like to vacation? Anywhere!
• Who do you admire? I admire any one who is grounded and honest through their trials of life.
• What is your mission? to leave this world better then it is currently.
• If you were invisible, where would you go? LOL, probably the White house, need to see what Obama is REALLY up to. lol
• What traits in others are you attracted to? fun, real, hard working, those with a cause.
• What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you? there are many friends who have been kind to me but specifically I remember that When My grandma died a friend from Montana sent me flowers, I  was SO lonely and he remembered me when no one else did.
• How do you want to be remembered? as a person who was totally true to herself, hopefully that means I was kind and hard working and fun...lol
• What would you do with a million dollars? put money aside for my kids college and wedding and missions, buy a house, travel the world...put some in a few different charities I believe in.
• If you were on an island, who would you want to be with? Why? My man Mike, he is my best friend.
• You have a 10 minute speech to give at a banquet, what is it about? Standing for something, fighting for what you believe regardless of what it is.
• If the TV is on, I'm watching... DWTS, anything wedding related, Psych, parks and Rec, downton Abbey
• If the refrigerator is open, I'm grabbing a.... Sobe life water

• I want(ed) to be a Singer when I grow/grew up.
• It's Saturday night at 8PM. You'll find me ....on a perfect night, eating icecream
• It's Monday morning at 7AM. You'll find me .... cleaning and eating breakfast with the kids
• What was your favorite childhood toy? I don't think I had one..
• If you could take a trip to any place in the world, where would you go? Israel, Italy
• If you could only eat one food, and nothing else, for three days in a row, what would it be? peanut butter chocolate milk shakes!
• What is your favorite movie? So cheezy. Pride and prejudice ( newest version)
• What's one thing for which you'd like to be remembered? Didn't I already answer this? being awesome, but mostly for being kind and making changes where they need to happen.
• If I had more time, I would- this list is TOO long, work on my music skills both vocal and piano/guitar/organ, be crafty, actually get everything done I set out to every morning___.
• What's your idea of a perfect date? just a night with no stress for money and my mike with me.
• Please describe a goal on your life's to-do list.- to conquer fear. fear of what I can or can't do, fear of feeling guilty for what I don't, fear of messing up whatever I am currently doing.

He gets it

Well, I can honestly say I don't know what to do with my self right now. He got it. The Dr. Understood the whys, the how's and the options as to how to figure it all out- including several I had not considered....all of it. He talked with us for almost and hour and a half. Asked the questions I needed to hear, thought of things I hadn't heard of for if  it ISN'T celiac, that we can then look at...all of it. He got it. Tomorrow we will get the blood work done, and in about 10 days I can make a plan with the Dr. of how to move forward.

The goal?

To get answers and to improve Jacks quality of life..or so says the Dr....and agrees the very thankful mom.

Big day for Jack.

In 45 minutes I head up to see a G.I specialist here in Phoenix. Jack came to me several months ago and asked if he could go through the testing for Celiac Disease. He was very serious and I could tell he had spent a lot of time thinking about it. He told me he felt like he needed to know if this was something he was going to have to live with his whole life. He wanted to know if when he was " glutened" if it was damaging his body or not and what that would mean for the future. He wanted to know so that he could better combat the social struggles that come from being different from all the other kids at school. He wanted to know...for himself.

I went to my room and cried...and cried... You see to get tested for celiac after being on a gluten free diet for so long, Jack will need to eat the very thing that makes him sick for about two months. Essentially, he has to damage his body ( intestines specifically) so badly that when they do a biopsy at the end of the 6 weeks, it will show conclusively that he has celiac. I cried for two reasons. first, I know what eating wheat will do o him, how his body will hurt, how emotional he will be, how sick he will eventually get from an immune system that is shot. no mom can feel happy about hurting their child. Can I even feel o.k with knowing what I am allowing to happen to his body?? Second, WHAT IF I put him through all that pain and the biopsy comes back negative? What if he goes through all that only to discover its NCGS or non- celiac gluten sensitivity??

There is one other test I can ask for instead of putting him through the pain of eating wheat, its a genetic test. This was recommended to me by one of my favorite Dr.'s at the CDF conference two months ago and what gave me the courage to see this through for jack. While I feel like its our best and least painful option, Mike and I have already decided that if the G.I Dr. here feels like we need to do the biopsy, then we will. At some point in all this I have to trust a Dr. somewhere.

Originally when I called to get the appt. We could not even get in until the end of July, after school starts. I was devastated, because last time jack even had 2 bites of cherrios ( link for that HERE) he was a mess and missed 2 days of school. Yesterday I got the call saying they had an opening if we could come. This would allow Jack to go through this process with out interfering with his schooling. A HUGE blessing!!

I am so nervous and scared, if this does not go well where do we go?? what do I do? This morning I called this insurance agency and trying to remeber specific information of how this has all played out so that my emotions will not get the best of me. If you are curious as to how we went Gluten free in the first place I blogged about it about a year ago, here is the LINK for that.

Anyway, blogging helps calm me down. I have so many thoughts and emotions about it all and not time to write them out completely. But for those who know and love us, I wanted to give the basic information about it all and ask that you keep us in your prayers because I have no idea what the next few weeks will bring for us and most importantly for little sweet Jack.

always in denial...w

So about every 6 months I question is gluten really is SUCH a big deal in our life. I mean, if gluten wasn't a problem then my life would INSTANTLY be easier...we are talking McDonalds dollar menu possibilities here. ;) No Celiac Disease Foundation Awareness hard work with little reward. No crazy expensive diet. Not needing to cook EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Because of the way we figured out Jacks problem, we have never been able to get an official diagnose. Would I love to have it? YES! But after this weekend, not only was I reminded that gluten will probably be forever an issues here at our house, but that there is no way I could make him eat three full servings a day for any amount of time in order to get him tested. The Lord stepped right in and reminded me how important my crazy diligence is for Jack, regardless of what those around me think.....

So Friday my little guy poured himself a bowl of GF brand cheerios, some almond mile and fresh cut strawberries. He was pretty excited about it  until my daughter came in screaming.

 ( Because she GAVE herself wheat on Monday- stinker! When she eats wheat she gets crazy emotional, its best to not even look at her or your head might get ripped off and kicked across the room)

ANYWAY, So she is SCREAMING  that Jacksons cheerios smell like " regular cheerios" . You have to understand, she had been mean and screaming since Monday, that's almost 5 days of headaches from her yelling, so I was over it by Friday. I promptly told her to "knock it off, your brother wouldn't eat regular cheerios, he doesn't want to be sick, leave him alone and stop yelling at every one". She walked over to the counter and held up the clear plastic bag quick enough for me to realize that some one had pulled out the regular cheerios and left them on what is supposed to be our gluten free counter and my little guy had accidentally eaten the wrong cereal.

Two bites. That's all it took. Two bites. Within 20 minutes he was running to the bathroom. After a day of fun runs, day 2 brought on the emotions. So lucky me gets screaming older sister and crying little brother- PERFECT combo of fun! LOL Day 3 brought on pain and soreness through his body on top of emotions. Day 4 he felt sick all over again, had dark circles under his eyes and missed yet another day of school. After sleeping a lot on day 4 he was ready to return to life on day 5 with only lingering emotional issues.

So yeah, this whole Gluten thing is here to stay....while I may always be in denial that this is life long, I will never stop fighting for answers and a better world for my little guy. I just wish the reminder was not so painful for child and mother alike.