being mom

Today I went to help at school. Olivia had a melt down; she has been having a lot of those lately. They wear me out. I get tired and then I don't want to do anything else the rest the day, because its not like I get to stop everything. I still have laundry and dirty diapers AND feeding AND dishes that come with feeding, AND feeding the little guy AND making sure I am not a zombie mother to jack, along with everything else. So even when I don't want to do anything and the cleaning starts to just not get done- life is still very busy.

This last few days have made me think about the role of motherhood. Mothers really should get some very special badge ( no, I am not taking about the throw-up, marker stains or left over food on our shirts) a badge that says "HEY! I am amazing, the well being of my children comes very first in my life. I care for and about them more then even myself." wow! being a mom means you are amazing. Just to set the record straight, I am not tooting my own horn as I think about motherhood, I thought about those who do it even better then me. I thought about all the mother figures in my life, amazing women ALL of them. They each gave so selflessly to me with one common goal in mind, my well being, my success as a person. Could there be any nobler cause then that of ensuring the success of some ones life? Truly I can not think of a better calling on earth. The very role of motherhood emulates the Savior and his whole mission- to bring us back to our father, is that not what all mothers want for those they love? what we do, our very job description is: help those we love be happy, stronger and hopefully be a force for good and on this earth and of course return to live with our Heavenly Father.

Sometimes as we go through the journey of motherhood, women can become dis-enchanted with their calling. This happens to me more then it should, or at least more then I would like it to. when you are getting disagreed with for the 25th time that day, or when your normally even tempered child hits you in front of a crowd of people, or yes- when they are screaming in their room how mean you are, all because you wouldn't let them hit their brother and get away with it. For me this week, the exhaustion has come from dragging a scared and emotional little girl to school each day. Yet, as I stare down at my little sleeping infant I am reminded of where these beautiful children have come from, and where I want them to return.

With this image in my mind I realize once again that I am part of something bigger then my self. I am part of something much bigger then all my child hood dreams of being famous or swimming with whales. I am a mother, my calling is noble and brave, and HARD, yet I am better for it. I am stronger and closer to my Heavenly Father, my cause in life is worth living for. To see a sleeping child, or hear their first squeaking sounds. To see their eyes light up as they discover the heavens above with all its beautiful stars and then ask with wonder whats up there, can they go to them? To see my angel triumph, even when things were SO hard you could only hope they might get through a day with out tears. To speak of the Savior and feel the love they already have for their brother, even before you taught them who he was. These are moments that make life....amazing! Have you ever felt the peace and happiness that comes by having children any where else? no. Nothing even comes close to the joy a women feels, then when they have am amazing mommy moment.

I can only imagine what images my children will bring my future, some are hard I am learning. I feel the pain of my children, I remember it. It breaks my heart to watch them suffer some of the same ways I once did. BUT, I believe there will be many more sweet and wonderful memories, all worth being a mom for. I am grateful for the women in my life who have taught me how divine it is to not only be a child of God but to be a mother. It truly is the most divine calling on earth, I love it, not every moment of it; but I am grateful for all of it, the good and the hard, and especially the wonderful. There is no other thing I would rather do then be a mom, for I know even when my mind pulls me other places my heart belongs right here, where my family is. Being mom.

The Adventures of Jack

I have a mini cook in my house, his name is Jack. Every night when I announce I am making dinner he runs in as fast as his little feet can carry him saying, "What are we making tonight mommy?"

A couple weeks ago I taught him how to grate cheese, last night I needed some done and he was more then excited to use his new skills. after finishing almost the whole block, I heard him run in and tell yaya the following story ( yes its all in caps because he yells when he is excited):

"YAYA! GUESS WHAT?!? i WAS GRATING THE CHEESE AND IT JUMPED OUT OF MY HANDS AND WAS FALLING!..... YEAH...... AND THEN MY SLEEVE CAUGHT IT! AND IT DIDN'T EVEN FALL TO THE GROUND....YEAH...AND SO NOW....I AM A HERO..yeah... CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HEROES DO!!"

He went around telling us he was a hero the rest of the night, I mean after all- he did save the cheese.

An escape....

I have a couple of really good friends who love to read. so they often tell me I "have" to read this or that book. Well, so far I have loved every book they have suggested. ( twlight? yes, They suggested that one to) Last night I started a Book called " the Goose Girl" it was wonderful. It had a great plot. I told mike it was a fairy tale for adults. I somehow REALLY related to the main character. I guess the thing I loved most was that the goose girl truly is on an adventure of self discovery. Anyway I read from 8 p.m to 3 a.m. It was wonderful, I felt like I had taken a vacation.... but I am a little tired today.

Thank you Tom Hanks

SO Last week Tom Hanks said supporting Prop 8 made us Mormons "Un-American". TOday he apologized. SO if you want to read it. Here is the spot you go:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,482266,00.html

o.k- I am cheating.

Olivia is off at grandmas, so I thought I could break the no internet rule today- and then jack provided me with the perfect story.

so I was feeding Joseph and Jack walked over and poked me on my side and said " whats that?" I said " my Stomach" and then he said " OH! I was wondering what that fat was."

thank you Jack. I love you.

Wish me luck....

Once upon a time there were two beautiful little children who loved to sing, color, build blocks and play. as they grew their parents thought it would be fun to let them do the things that the other children could do such as: x-box, movies and leapster games. These were privileges the children learned to love, and at times they loved them even more then anything else. There was a period of nine months when the children were allowed almost unlimited access to the t.v, PBS kids. org and the leapster. When the nine months were over, the mommy started to see that her beautiful children were not so pretty inside. They cried each time one of there beloved items were turned off and with in minutes, were begging to play another. All the children talked about were the games they had played or things they had watched on t.v. The children openly admitted they no longer found the company of other children entertaining....and today when the mommy took her children to the park, instead of running off and playing like most children, the oldest daughter stood in the middle of the lovely bark and for two hours cried becuase all she wanted to do was "go home to her leapster."

As you can tell the mommy realized things HAD to change. SO that very night- she told the children they were not in trouble, but, for at least one week there would be no more leapster, x-box, computer or t.v. This was hard for her to do! to set the example she knew it meant that from 6-8 she would also not be allowed those privileges, and the mommy did love to blog. Plus lets face it the mommy knew after 8 the day was done and there was little chance of squeezing in the internet time. SO she said farewell to her fellow bloggers for about a week knowing it was for the betterment of her beautiful children. She prays that this week will be blessed with many happy memories and attitudes changed for the better- that perhaps next week she will have children who love to play and color and sing again.

good things come to those who wait.....

Yes its almost a minute of video, but if you wait...... you get to see what we love to see every day!

Un-american?

So out here in cali, we Mormons are getting a lot of junk for supporting prop. 8. the proposition that is for marriage being between a man and women. Not that we don't like or love all people, just that the word MARRIAGE should only be between male and female. those who choose differently can have a union or what ever they want, they even have all the proper rights here in cali to take care and be with WHOEVER they love. so really we are talking a matter of a word. which is what we defended. can you think of any religion which feels different? really? no ALL religions understand that this is how God meant it to be.

SO when Tom hanks went on the record saying we were "un-American" for upholding these moral beliefs...It made me feel a little strange, because, man, I LOVE America. Wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world. I feel like a privileged person to be here. I just had a weird moment reading the opinion of a man who if he looked at me and knew I was a Mormon, would instantly think different of me. This world is getting stranger and stranger every day, And I tell you what sometimes it make me feel scared to know people literally hate me for my beliefs. so if you want to read his thoughts, here is where you go:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,480167,00.html

eyes for dad only.....

Our sweet Joey started to smile last saturday. He has been smiling pretty much since the day he was born, but it was all at the angels on our bare ceilings. This last Saturday he started smiling at US. Actually- he mostly just smiles at dad. So, here he is. Its hard to really get the fun smile, so these are mostly half ones, but...I'll keep working on it.

Livys big day

For the entire duration of her life, Olivias dad has wanted her to get her ears pierced. she has been fairly level headed though, and thought this was a girly fru fru thing she just didn't need to do. Until Sunday.
I don't know why, but as he was teasing her about getting it done for the billionth time; she decided it was a good idea. she did ask for a night to think about it for sure. But sure as the sun rises, the next morning her mind was made up. By 5:30 we were in the local claires picking out her earings.

Now this could just be another sweet story about a cute little girl getting her new daisy, multi-colored earings- but I think you will see by the pictures it didn't quite go down that way. She was very nervous, so I offered to let her sit on my lap. After getting the first one done, she decided that was enough and proceeded to scream and cry for the next HOUR! the whole time dad was just hanging out with the boys, here I was telling my little girl why she had to have two earings not just one, I couldn't belivie I was ( the one who definatly didn't want this done) talking my daughter into this. But what was I supposed to do? she already had one ear done! I have this thing about choices too, she made this choice, so even if it was painful she needed to follow through. I don't want her to think when she makes choices, and they get hard she can just jump ship and everything will be o.k. So after and hour of dirty looks from every one in the mall, because I must be a terrible mom for doing this to my sweet young daughter, Mike got his dream and Olivia has her ears peirced. She does love them too... but at the end of the night Mike said to her, "Should you be telling some one thank you?" you know what she said???? " thank you DAD." yeah, it was the best night of my life.

Lovin the new year....and my new favorite toy

Just like millions of other people Mike and I are determined to eat better this year. For christmas I got a new Food processor, Jack and I have had A LOT of fun with it every day coming up with new recipes. Last week we made had a new version Of stir fry ( we eat it a lot but changed up the veggies and sauce on it), Yummy potato soup, and some gluten free corn bread that I could not have made with out my new toy; tonight we are making french bread with the same machine! Each night when I start dinner Jack comes in and says "what are we going to put in the food processor mom?"

ANYWAY, in effort to expand our diet I bought black beans today. I always hear great things about recipies with black beans, it seems when ever some one says " you just HAVE to try this" it has black beans. But quite frankly I have absoulutly NO idea what to do with them, so I am calling on the collective powers of those who read this blog to PLEASE give me some suggestions. thanks!

1 month

Well Joseph turned 1 month on Sunday and 5 weeks yesterday. Obviously he isn't dazzling us with his laughter just yet but he is very sweet and something about holding him puts you right at ease, its hard not to just fall asleep. One person compared him to a character in Twilight with similar powers! lol. what we do know, is that he has not forgotten where he came from because his main obsession is the " Jesus Pictures" as we call them. When he is awake- they are the one thing he wants to look at and if he is fussy you just have to turn him the right way so he can see them and he instantly calms down. Its pretty funny. He LOVES them. Which, has caused me to do some serious staring and contemplating myself. So, here He is... I took these today. As you can see, eating has not been a problem, and here are the pictures he would not be able to function with out.

Superstars of Dance

Has any one out there watched the show "super Stars of Dance"? Well I watched it with the kids today while Joseph was being Fussy, watching my kids was the best part- here are some highlights:


Olivia, when the Russian ball room dancers danced

"eww every body look away that guys is half naked!"

Olivia- when the south African Solo dancer came out
" why is he in his under ware?"
I told her there are some really far away places people don't ware a lot of clothes, some of them don't even have houses like we do..more like camping in wood tents? it was a little hard to explain to her.

So then these other dancers come out in very little clothing and Jack says
"they must not have houses either...right?"

during the tango by...... was it Russia? ANYWAY- jack says
"why is he touching her leg? EEWWW his nose is on her cheek!"

and THEN the American gymnast/cabaret partner dancers come out.....
yes, I have Olivia looking at these crazy moves THEN looking at Jack and saying
" I can do that,"
and running toward her brother to throw him in the air I told her
"no you can not! not now or EVER! you are not allowed to try those moves on your brother!"

I have to say though the best part was them trying to imitate the various dancers and then wanting me to give them a score, and it was VERY serious business for them to.

hmm...maybe this educational, appreciate different cultures thing was a bit TOO early for them. SO if you haven't watched it, it was fairly entertaining if you like dance ( which I do) but maybe not if you want to answer a lot of questions from your kids.

you bet he does!

Today as I was half way through my getting may hair done, little Joseph started crying. He had tummy bubbles and while I felt terrible he was crying I also had 3/4 of my hair done on curlers and was finnishing off the last small section. so here I was stressing about my crying angel and trying for all I was worth to make my hair curl faster, and I heard Olivia saying to him...." do you miss Jesus Joseph?" over and over.... in that moment All I could think was
" you bet he does, Jesus never let him cry so he could get his hair curled!"




to day was Jacks first day in Primary. I can't believe he is So darn big. I am not so sure I like my kids getting big yet.

Thank you Brittney!

For several weeks now I have not been able to do Olivias hair. Every time I attempt to do anything more then a barrette pulling her hair out of her face, I have a little girl who screams and yells and throws HUGE fits because she doesn't want to be " pretty". I told her after over an hour of going back and forth that I did not feel bad for her woes. I couldn't feel bad for some one who was mad they were pretty. I have also tried to teach her how good she could feel knowing the Lord made her beautiful. but none of my talking or reasoning has made a difrence. LAst night we went to Mikes parents for dinner. I put her hair in piggy tails. WOW you would think I was terrible. she ended up staying in our car out side until she could compose her self. Thats the funny thing with her, we rarley- actually pretty much never- have discipline her, she does it all her self. ANYWAY, as I was trying, for what felt like the hundreth time, to reason with her last night I remembered Brittneys blog and the book she has made for her little girl, they have taken pictures of her daughters hair and then made a book so each morning she can look through it and chose how she wants her hair. I suggested to Olivia we do this. she loved the Idea! it gives her the power to Choose and me the power to actually have her look nice! yeah!!! thank you Brittney!! hopefully there will not be too many more days of a screaming beauty in the house!