being mom

Today I went to help at school. Olivia had a melt down; she has been having a lot of those lately. They wear me out. I get tired and then I don't want to do anything else the rest the day, because its not like I get to stop everything. I still have laundry and dirty diapers AND feeding AND dishes that come with feeding, AND feeding the little guy AND making sure I am not a zombie mother to jack, along with everything else. So even when I don't want to do anything and the cleaning starts to just not get done- life is still very busy.

This last few days have made me think about the role of motherhood. Mothers really should get some very special badge ( no, I am not taking about the throw-up, marker stains or left over food on our shirts) a badge that says "HEY! I am amazing, the well being of my children comes very first in my life. I care for and about them more then even myself." wow! being a mom means you are amazing. Just to set the record straight, I am not tooting my own horn as I think about motherhood, I thought about those who do it even better then me. I thought about all the mother figures in my life, amazing women ALL of them. They each gave so selflessly to me with one common goal in mind, my well being, my success as a person. Could there be any nobler cause then that of ensuring the success of some ones life? Truly I can not think of a better calling on earth. The very role of motherhood emulates the Savior and his whole mission- to bring us back to our father, is that not what all mothers want for those they love? what we do, our very job description is: help those we love be happy, stronger and hopefully be a force for good and on this earth and of course return to live with our Heavenly Father.

Sometimes as we go through the journey of motherhood, women can become dis-enchanted with their calling. This happens to me more then it should, or at least more then I would like it to. when you are getting disagreed with for the 25th time that day, or when your normally even tempered child hits you in front of a crowd of people, or yes- when they are screaming in their room how mean you are, all because you wouldn't let them hit their brother and get away with it. For me this week, the exhaustion has come from dragging a scared and emotional little girl to school each day. Yet, as I stare down at my little sleeping infant I am reminded of where these beautiful children have come from, and where I want them to return.

With this image in my mind I realize once again that I am part of something bigger then my self. I am part of something much bigger then all my child hood dreams of being famous or swimming with whales. I am a mother, my calling is noble and brave, and HARD, yet I am better for it. I am stronger and closer to my Heavenly Father, my cause in life is worth living for. To see a sleeping child, or hear their first squeaking sounds. To see their eyes light up as they discover the heavens above with all its beautiful stars and then ask with wonder whats up there, can they go to them? To see my angel triumph, even when things were SO hard you could only hope they might get through a day with out tears. To speak of the Savior and feel the love they already have for their brother, even before you taught them who he was. These are moments that make life....amazing! Have you ever felt the peace and happiness that comes by having children any where else? no. Nothing even comes close to the joy a women feels, then when they have am amazing mommy moment.

I can only imagine what images my children will bring my future, some are hard I am learning. I feel the pain of my children, I remember it. It breaks my heart to watch them suffer some of the same ways I once did. BUT, I believe there will be many more sweet and wonderful memories, all worth being a mom for. I am grateful for the women in my life who have taught me how divine it is to not only be a child of God but to be a mother. It truly is the most divine calling on earth, I love it, not every moment of it; but I am grateful for all of it, the good and the hard, and especially the wonderful. There is no other thing I would rather do then be a mom, for I know even when my mind pulls me other places my heart belongs right here, where my family is. Being mom.