last day... =(

Today was our last day in the CrossRoads Park ward. =( We have made so many good friends and learned so much from those who attend this ward that its hard to say good bye. Really Hard. After the release from our callings in sacrament, I looked over to see my little Jack working hard to keep his emotions in check. With a hug from me, he broke down, when I asked why he was crying he simply said " I don't want to go". I am always amazed at what my children pick up on in life and how dramatically the things I do impact them.

Church ended with in the classic Heller way. Instead of tears and farewells it was me chasing yaya down the hall because " Joey is causing trouble" only to find my two boys in a full out wrestling war in the foyer of the church while the two wards tried to transition in classes! In the car when questioning the boys why they thought this was appropriate to wrestle in church,  joey calmly blamed it on his " tinny bear" at home.

 Of course Mike and I can't just leave that alone! So Mike starts asking questions about Tinny bear and why Joey thinks he should protect him so ferociously even in church. This conversation lead to Joey PROUDLY proclaiming " HE'S MY SON!" ...after a long pause of silence in the car as we all worked hard to keep our laughter quiet, the questioning of what that meant continued. It was cute....

I can hear mike wrestling in our room right now and telling joey " you have to keep your son safe" as joey fights to get him back from a teasing dad.

Going to church and leaving good friends was hard. BUT, I felt blessed to be reminded on the way home that no matter where I go or how many darn times I have to move, I am blessed. I am surrounded by people who love me and get to go with me. I am Blessed to be alive and blessed to have this awesome forever family. Maybe we are uprooting yet again in pursuit of a more stable life, but at least we are all on this adventure now and forever together. Me, Mike, yaya, Jack, Joey and my new grandson...Tinny Bear...

Good Cinderella Bad Cinderella

I mentioned about two weeks ago my fascination with Cinderella.  I believe we all have a bit of a Cinderella Issue in our lives. You know, the issue where you feel like you are meant for more in life and at least for right now you are being forced to do things you don't want to. Working to many hours, scrubbing to many messes you didn't make, dealing with people who are rude and inconsiderate of your own feelings, these are all things none of us enjoy doing or dealing with. I find myself often thinking the future must be better then my current situation.

Today as I was reading my scriptures, I was reminded of something which I had forgotten, or maybe I just understood it differently this time around.  In Alma chapter 31 there is a story of a people called Zoramites, these people have become an apostate people and as they pray to God high on a stand in the middle of the room they show some of there errors in thinking, it goes like this:

Holy God, we believe that thou hast separated us from our brethren; and we do not believe in the tradition of our brethren, which was handed down to them by the childishness of their fathers; but we believe that thou hast ^aelected us to be thy ^bholychildren; and also thou hast made it known unto us that ^cthereshall be ^dno Christ.

 17 But thou art the same yesterday, today, and forever; and thou hast ^aelected us that we shall be saved, whilst all around us are elected to be cast by thy wrath down to hell; for the which holiness, O God, we thank thee; and we also thank thee that thou hast elected us, that we may not be led away after the foolish traditions of our brethren, which doth ^bbind them down to a belief of Christ, which doth lead their hearts to wander far from thee, our God.

 18 And again we thank thee, O God, that we are a chosen and a holy people. Amen.

Notice how they believe they are special? "Elected" for some thing better then those around them? Alma was Shocked when he found the people in this state of thinking and sad when he saw how hard their hearts were toward those around them.  Sometimes in our Cinderella mentality through the struggles of life do we think we are different then those around us? "meant for more"??? Do we ever look down on the poorest ( in belongings or in spirit or heck even those poor in luck or talents, lack or organizational skills, those poor in kindness, honestly or integrity- to not have an abundance of something makes that person poor in that very thing correct?)  around us because we think at some point we will not have to deal with it anymore?

I realized in my reading that I am failing in my life long goal of being like Cinderella! Cinderella never thought she was "extra special, someday meant for more, forget all you mean people-someday I will be laughing at you on the other side suckers!" The best part about her was that she was happy and confident where ever she was. Kind to all regardless of who or what they were. She understood the value of each person and animal.  When she became something more, I doubt she went around getting pay backs for all the hurt, pain, sweat and tears like in the Count of MonteCristo, she kept living life to the fullest. I would guess she even figured out how to help those who needed the help from her new better station in life. 

So who am I being day to day moment to moment? Do I have a Cinderella ideal going in my head or a Zoramite one?? I think right now I have both, but the two should not be in the same head. One is healthy and one breeds hatred and bitterness toward our fellow men. IN this Christmas season, I find myself rewiring a few thought processes....and praying I can be a bit more like the humble daughter of God I truly want to be, except I better understand that am LEARNING who that is not EXPECTING she is something extra special destined for super awesomeness....because I can't see more then a few steps ahead and the Lord sees much further. SO, I have to trust in him and keep walking with love and kindness to all around me because we are all trying to figure out our Cinderella Journey...

Les Miserables

So, a very exciting thing happened to me yesterday, on of my close friends won two tickets to a pre- screening of Les Miserables and she took....ME! =)So here are a few of my thoughts about it and Here we are after the big show:

Yes, I look cheezy- but come on this was epic!

I need to start by saying I couldn't sleep at all last night. The images and music were so vivid and powerful that I literally could not wipe them from my brain long enough to relax and sleep. The music was INCREDIBLE the costumes and sets ( fake or real you never know these days) were equally amazing! Because of the way they filmed the movie, ( by allowing the actors to sing it out and then compose the music around that) The depth of emotion expressed was powerful and moving. I cried 3 or 4 times, I had to keep checking to make sure my friend didn't think she brought a crazy woman, but I am pretty sure the entire audience was reacting like I was. 

Some of my tears were deep sadness and shock, such as when Fantine ( Anne Hathaway) is fired from her job and then has to turn to anything to make money to save Cosette. The end of her life, the way they show her downfall and the choices she feels she has to make, is both shocking and disturbing, or it was to me. I found my self questioning if I could handle watching this and I also found my self KNOWING this will not be a movie I let my daughter watch for a very LONG time....like until after she is married. I would caution any one with younger teenagers, maybe I never listened to the music close enough-  I am not sure, but there is no masking the culture of prostitution and how it works in the movie and how degrading it is to all women.

I also found the scene between Cosette singing castle on a cloud ( so sweet!) and Jean Valjean finding her to be uncomfortable as well. Its where Madame Thénardier and Thénardier are describing the kind of business they run. They do everything from pee in a beer bottle and chop off a cats tail ( accidentially--  kind of) for food to showing Madame rub her self all over her guests and tricking "Santa" into sleeping with there resident Prostitute. I know I may be more sensitive then a lot of folks, but this scene was just a bit to much and it reaffirmed to me that this is NOT a movie for a less mature audience.

But, while those screens where disturbing and images I don't know how to remove from my head, there was so much beauty in this film. I cried tears of sympathy and I cried at the beauty of Jean Valjeans end and the life he ultimately chose to live. I came to love this man and his struggles and in the face of constant tribulation -he chooses right....every time! When he is preparing to meet his maker, the emotions felt, the way the songs are sung, well, they are beautiful and powerful.

I was also surprised at the constant mention of God in this movie. Usually when I go see a movie at the theater I hear the Lords name a lot, but not because they are actually TALKING ABOUT him. The characters in Les Miserables question their place in Gods eyes, they wonder why he abandoned them, they turn to him for peace and in the end they all return to him. Honestly, it was refreshing to see it.  I appreciated their struggles and why they would feel they way they did. 

As to the Actor and Actresses of the movie, I was very happy. Russell Crowe as Javert was perfect and well played. I found I understood his character with out hating him for doing what he thought was right. It was so well done. Of course I already said Hugh Jackman is Jean Valjeans was AMAZING. I don't know how he could have portrayed his charecter any better, I love it! I will add though that both Amanda Seyfried as Cosette  and Eddie Redmayne as Marius were not as believable as I would have liked.  The Young Cosette played by Isabelle Allen was perfect and so sweet, but Amanda Seyfried ( who I have no issues with) was annoying to me and I felt like her voice was just, eh. Eddie Redmayne as Marius was not...I don't know.... maybe, I am just use to the where wolf type leading men, but he wasn't very believable as the guy who a girl (actually two girls) would just magically fall in love with, never looking back. Or at least not to me. A nice surprise to me was Samantha Barks who plays Éponine. You love her instantly and want her to come out victor some how. Her voice is perfect and honestly I think she out sang Amanda Seyfried note for note. LOVED, love her, she was my second favorite character played in this movie.

In the end, I loved it. But I am disturbed by it. I have been questioning the last 12 hours how I could have grown up singing and loving these song and yet not fully understanding the story. I have wondered how much of what I didn't understand  were parts added by Hollywoods view of the songs and story or was my lack of understanding really that blind as to the full subject matter. I want to go back and try to erase the images and listen only to the words, but I don't know if I can because the images of this film as SO strong ( which is a victory for the film company right?). Then on the other side of it, the high points, the good in this film, were so powerful that I find myself falling in love with Les Miserables all over again. Being moved by human struggle and the choices we choose to make in the darkest moments. There are not words spoken in this movie, only sung, adding to the fact that the emotions and story are so complex and intense that you can not pull your self away because you know you will miss something important.  It was good and I am REALLY curious to see how others react...

Big changes...

 So not to long ago I happened across an article about Multi-generation living. You can read it in that link, but the basic facts are that more and more families are going back to multi-generation living. ( I think it says 25% more in the U.S) It benefits both generations and in an economy like we currently have it can at times be the only way to get ahead.

So after a random conversation with my husband about it...and then him talking ( I didn't know he even had this conversation at first) to my parents. We realized this was something that could work and be good for our families. Honestly approaching it all much as they do in this article.

We gave notice on our house, we are moving January 12th. Its a pretty big step, but what this gives the Hellers- because its not my place to speak for the other half of the house- is peace, hope and a chance to make a BIG change in our life for the better financially.

Of all my mothers 7 children, if you told her I would be the one to approach her with this idea....well she nor I would have believed it.

But there you have it. The kids are not switching schools, but unfortunately for us because there are so many people we love where we are at, we do have to switch wards.

Anyway. If you get the chance read the article, its interesting. There is strength in numbers and the Hellers are ready to approach a better future by working with family instead of alone. Its teaspoons of progress on our own and buckets of progress when we work with our family....

Cinderella on the Brain....

When I was young ( maybe not as young as I should have been ) I had this idea of myself- I was Cinderella.  My younger sisters would gang up on me from time to time and my mother made me do chores.  My favorite chore was mopping the entry way because then I could sing " sweet nightingale" like Cinderella. Big dresses and dances, any kind of sparkle or crown, these weren't just fun, I was convinced if anyone paid attention to me close enough these things would help them see my Cinderella potential as well. At this point you may be rolling your eyes--- don't worry I am too.

 Of course I was convinced at some point my very rich handsome prince would come. Some how he would miraculously know my secret identity, or at least realize that I was different in a good way and take me to the castle where we would live happily ever after..

So, real life happens. I find a prince, but we don't have a castle and I still am mopping floors.

Don't get me wrong this blog isn't a blog about complaining how my life isn't a fairy tale  In fact, believe it or not, its the opposite.  You see, I have been trying to figure out WHY I had ( maybe still do have since I seem to be confessing here) this Cinderella Syndrome. I feel it has leaked into parts of my "grown up, big girl" life. Like when I still am mopping floors, but I don't get to sing anymore because the prince is working the the room next to me and I have to BE QUIET! OR, when I randomly get self conscience when my sisters and mom do things with out me OR when I am sitting in a room full of girls who are all having fun and appear to be comfortable.... but I just feel like I don't quite fit in.

When I was younger, I told myself it was because I was destined for great things! Hello, it takes a very special gal to be Cinderella. Not just any one can do the things she did, put up with what she did and become who she became. Now that I am older and I seem to be doing the same things as every one else- not anything extraordinary- and I am forced to re-evaluate my thought process.

So, This blog today is about a realization. A new outlook on life. I am not just like my dear Cinderella, I AM her. ( now you think I have lost it, I know, but stick with me) I am somebody special. I am different, always have been and its not going to change. I am not sure what this means, maybe its that I am in denial. But I don't think so.

 I think Cinderella was patient and kind and sweet and pretty and all those good qualities BUT we only saw the very outside view of her story. So, if you want to come on me on this journey. I am going to tell you in other blogs WHY I think we are all a bit like Cinderella.

One of my favorite songs is Carrie Underwoods Ever After it goes:

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you

Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart

Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through

To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after

Maybe, just maybe, the best part of the Cinderella Syndrome is the part when you realize or at least believe that  your childhood dreams have already come true. We all have small moments of realization but when we REALLy realize who we are and what we already have, we see the world really differently....so stay tuned we are going digging for proof! Its time to figure out what becoming like Cinderella really means

trippin' out a little here...

I have had three days in a row where my morning hours were not totally unbearable. Today I even took the kids to school! though I will say, driving for sure makes me sick....

 On Monday Mike refilled my prescription.....and they gave me the same medicine in a different form and I THINK ITS WORKING! 

I still can't clean, or cook or bend over very much, lol, BUT to be able to converse or watch a t.v show with out throwing up is an amazing feeling.!! Its trippy.

So next week I get to start working again ( thats sitting in one place and talking on the phone) and I have my 1st dr. appt! =)

and today we are 11 weeks!! ( 10 weeks according to mikes iphone app.)

I am the dork who didn't know.....

I am the dork who doesn't drink soda....of any kind. I don't like it. 

SO when My pregnant body started refusing even water, mike went and got me a pepsi. NOTHING has worked, not ginger this or that, not being shocked or sea bands, not Zofran. But Pepsi did....and I almost started feeling normal. So I drank a lot of it this morning..... but now its gone and I am forced to drink water, and feeling terrible all over.


But I am the Dork who didn't know I would dehydrate myself by only drinking soda. I didn't know because I don't drink it....oh well ....it was nice while it lasted

I need to get off of here now....I will spare you the details.

constant, hope, and determination

This pregnancy is full of learning experiences about my little family. Yesterday was bad...I couldn't even keep water down ( today has been the same so far) But my little family was so sweet. Mike "freshened up the room" complete with a fresh clean scentsy smell and at one point even though I couldn't talk to them, I was just trying to rest, I was surrounded by every member of my family....all on our bed...while they all quietly read books. It made me feel so loved that because I couldn't be with them doing other things, they would choose to be with me doing whatever it was I could handle.

So after a long day and lots of staring at the wall ( I tried to get on the computer once and threw up with in minutes, so if your not seeing me on here....know its a BAD day.) I was not only thankful for my little family but thoughtful of their individual personalities and how they each bless my life right now.

Constant- She is the one who is quick to get the water as I throw up. Quick to take joey out of the room and read him a book. Quick to bring me any food item I can think of that might help. She never wavers in the help she gives. She is always checking on me, asking lots of questions about the baby. Wants to know what it will be like in the future, which rooms will be switched what items need to be purchased. (which is all fun to talk about, such a nice positive distraction) she is constantly there ready to help,. When I am feeling my worst I can always count on her for any help I may need.

Hope: It took me, oh, about three weeks to appreciate this one. LOL. This little tender guy still runs in to tattle on his siblings. Still insists on jabbering my ear off about throwing up and gross food stories, even when I have my head over the edge of a toilet. He is THRILLED I am bound to this bed because it means an un-moving audience to hear all his storied about xbox and fully details accounts of the last cartoon he watched. I have to admit it drove me INSANE at first. But as time goes on, I appreciate him more and more....and he gives me hope. He reminds me that this is temporary and that very soon I will be out there fixing the fights, cooking the meals, scrubbing the toilets. Very soon I will be able to be the mom that he doesn't even view any different.... again. He reminds me every time he walks through the door of my greatest blessings and how much I love being a mom. It took me a while, but I love this his contribution to this time...he gives me hope.

Determination:  This could be the only word to describe the youngest contributor. He DOES NOT give up on me. Every day he brings me stacks of books to read with him. He digs through his toy box looking for the perfect toy to make me "feel better" ...every day...He even has re-tried a few. One day I felt good enough to play his little lightning mcqueen computer with him, Yesterday....guess what made its way to my room ? =)  He brought me his fire truck pillow last night so I could sleep better. He is so sweet, he only leaves my side  when he HAS to go " watch my shows". He is determined to make mom feel better.

Mike- there is no way to say how thankful I am to him these last few weeks, in all our four pregnancies together, we have never had this much of a burden placed directly on him. He works all day, cooks and cleans, takes the kids to school. he is a single parent....and then he has to "take care of me" with my various cravings and emotions. He has been amazing. I appreciate him more today then I ever thought I could.

So, as I was surrounded on my bed yesterday by my children and husband all quietly reading. I couldn't help but be thankful to my Heavenly Father for the four biggest blessing of my life....I wonder what number five will be like =)

good morning.

Today I woke up excited it was Friday. Actually I woke up at 6:15 to Jack doing laundry and olivia doing the dishes ( maybe mike should play mom more often!?!) But its friday and so that means Tomorrow is saturday and I love saturdays.

AND its raining. Which if you have ever lived in AZ, you know that rain in the morning doesn't happen very often. So to have the light drizzle and cool weather during the day....ifs fabulous and cozy and makes me not feel so bad about getting cozy in a blanket on the couch all day.

Craving for the day?? still the strawberry cream thing from sonic.....but I wouldn't mind a little hot chocolate right now either ;)

pregnancy books

I was thinking of books I could write. But then I realized due to the lack of skills, I shouldn't be writing a book...can you imagine what my editor would have to go through!?

But I thought of two.

1. The Pregnant Gluten Free girl-
This pregnancy has already been so different because of my diet. I would love to get through this next nine months by focusing on sharing the things I learn with those who might face similar challenges. Working through the sickness and craving when half of what you want is forbidden can be a challenge. Making sure your baby is getting the proper nutrition can be overwhelming. I could help. But thats a serious book and as I already mentioned.... the poor editor! I will let my amazing friend Chandice write that one....maybe I can co-author it.....hmmmm... ;)

2. This one is more within my writing skill set: If you give a pregnant girl a cookie. the possibilities are endless for this book....think whole baby showers could be created on the theme of it. It would be every pregnant gals go to book for a laugh. short, full of goofy pictures. I love it!!

thats it.

craving for the day?? Sonic strawberry cream slushy....YUM!

10 weeks =)

I feel like a bit of a whiner on this blog. I try not to whine....I just feel a bit like.....( last big whining session??) I am in my own personal prison. I don't do ANYTHING. I can't watch t.v, cook, clean, read, smell, go anywhere, move around the house, shower, help the kids get ready for school, work, ANYTHING with out getting sick. Its only been two weeks of this but Apparently I am wimpy. That being said, from now on I will try to think more positive and not be such a downer.

I have been extremely blessed to be surrounded by people who have shown lots of love and care for me. I Knew I had great people in my life, but I have been surprised at their willingness to help our family. That has been humbling and amazing. Mike has been wonderful too. He works beyond hard at his job, cleans the house, cooks every meal, does all the laundry and shopping...everything. I can't do anything, so he has been doing it all. Some one want to bring him a treat for me?? =)

AND we have hit 10 weeks today. A little closer to that time when you don't worry about losing the baby as much and the sickness MAY actually start to go away. I have been tracking on-line what the baby is looking like and how my body is changing. Olivia loves to hear about the baby, this week it's the size of a prune and she thinks that is Hilarious! ;) she wanted to know this morning if it had a head yet...it was cute.

Last thought, THANK YOU HEATHER for reading my blog yesterday and helping me feel loved....I wish I could hold your hair for you and bring you any random cravings you have as you finish your pregnancy up. =)

not even mike...

Apparently No one is reading these....not even mike. I causally mentioned my craving from THREE days ago ( muddy buddies ??/ anyone remember??) and he didn't know about it! =(  so sad!

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised I said I would blog so I didn't bug people with constant FB updates.

Today was rough. It started rough... and unfortunately I can feel its going to end rough. =( I did get a wonderful visit by my most amazing Visiting teachers Vicki and Sharon. I love those ladies! they are wonderful and so kind. AND Devers came by and gave Mylie a bath and had Joey come play. I have not seen Joey SO excited in a while, poor guy must be so stir crazy!

But yes. Today I still have the same old craving.

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I will get to watch t.v with out getting sick. LOL

the problem with cravings...

The problem with craving is that they are unpredictable. some times they just go away, sometimes they don't. sometimes they sound amazing only to make you want to puke at the very thought of them...sometimes you can't move on until the craving is satisfied.

I still would love the last two days cravings. But today I am craving something a bit sweet. My mom and sisters make these awesome "cream cheese brownies" and I have a HUGE craving for them - I even know what GF brownie mix would make the best version of it.


But until then I will just chill in bed..because even with taking zofran today, this morning started by chilling in the boys bathroom after breakfast ( to much info?? SORRY!)

I just wish I could MOVE around with out getting so sick. Woke up determined and got a slap in the face...patience never has been one of my finer virtues....

on a positive note, as near as I can calculate with the help of the "what to expect when your expecting" on-line calculator, I am 9 weeks pregnant with the week switching on thursdays...so TOMORROW I will be 10! making slow progress, but hey, I will be 1/4 of the way done right!? =)

Todays craving...

P.F Changs.

I want so bad to feel " normal" while I am pregnant. this is my 1st Gluten free pregnancy and its a bit rough in the craving department. P.F changs has a LOT of G.F options....sounds nice to me...and I think the " hidden" ginger that is in many of their recipes is also appealing too. While I don't expect to have this craving full filled anytime soon...a pregnant gal can ( and does) always dream. ( SIGH)

Olivia has been off kilter this last two days, don't know why, but she is throwing CRAZY-HUGE tantrums at night....its hard to help Poor Mike handle them when I feel like I am going to puke on her.

Last thought, I need to re-figure out how many weeks I am...somewhere between 8-10....I think...but the whole Heller family ( minus mom) has decided its twins..to be specific 1 boy and 1 girl. Its all they talk about, I sure hope they aren't disappointing after the first appointment when we find out I only have 1 cutie in the there.

rants...

Since being pregnant the thing I notice about myself, that probably sticks out most, ( past the sickness) would be my heightened level of emotion. I like to be a laid back, roll with it, move on if its too intense, kind of a girl....but that's not my natural personality and it has taken years of work to begin to become that type of person.....out the window when you are pregnant.

Every thing is super sad....or REALLY ANNOYING....or, the world is GOING to end because this whatever moment and task is just SO important!!! So I find my self more prone to need to "vent" or rant as a release to these emotions that normally would just roll off my back...

NOW Aren't you so glad you took the time to pop on over to my blog! ;)

So A few things that I am bugged about:

1. Politics: They are ridiculous right now more then ever. I Have had the opportunity to watch LOTS of news lately....and Just find myself annoyed! Is any one worried about the direction of our country or are we just going to worry about what the Presidents Favorite color is and if Mitt has the "likable" factor in big enough proportions to win.

 What about the Akin guy?? I mean I am not saying I agree with what he said about rape, and its true that it's a very sensitive subject, BUT-I just think its crazy when we live in a world where you mis-speak, or maybe even have a really mis-guided thought process and your whole life is on national t.v and you are called a terrible person. What happened to free speech?? Don't vote for the dork, remove his funding if you disagree, but goodness drag him family through the mud and ruin any future they might have seems a bit far. On ABC news this morning the line on the screen was " the GOP'S shakin' over Akin". WOW. That one fool ( who is paying the price for bad comments) is going to somehow tilt the presidential race??? Are we so small minded that we would let it?? I hope not!! and It makes me mad that apparently the media thinks the average American is.

And the double standard is crazy. There were politician skinny dipping in the sea of Galilee this last weekend.  They aren't getting near the news time and I think what they did in a drunken stupor is worse....GROW UP politicians and lead the way we elected you too! So bugged.

Joe Biden....The guy says more stupid things then any other politician and gets away with it. BUT beyond all that I just question 1 thing. Is this really the best we can do for one of the highest offices in the land??? I mean, If something happened to our President, Biden is the top dog. YIKES!! who is scared!?!????  Thats who I have to place my trust in??? Heaven help us....seriously.


Past politics, I get annoyed with stupid little things all day, I won't go into the details because sometimes we have to be careful to not let 1 negative emotion brand us as the kind of person we will be forever. Writing down my negative thoughts won't help your view of my improve and it won't help MY view of me either.

But I have found that I need to get feeling better so I can stop thinking " daily pinning on pinterest is actually an important part of your day" thats when you have to worry about your state of mind and life. lol

Daily craving is the same as yesterday, but I am extra sick today so not even that sounds that good. =(

I am grateful for Mike more then ever this week. He has made dinner every night, kept the house livable and taken over in pretty much everything. He even works hard to keep my cravings at bay. I love him and I am thankful for this chance to see him step up and into our lives in a way I didn't know he would ( sounds meaner then I mean it. he is always wonderful...just I am surprised at the absolute amount of love and willingness he has taken everything on) (( good surprised))

o.k I really am just rambling. Love ya all!

mommy needs some rest.

I have been in bed A LOT....I mean...A LOT I went to bed four hours ago and intend to go back as soon as this post is over.....

Joey and all the kids keep hearing the phrase " mommy needs rest" or "mommy needs some rest right now so she can feel better"

Joey has more then once ran into his room and dug through his toy box looking for something to help. He is so sweet!! But I think one of the sweetest moments was when I heard him say " mommy needs a rest, got to find mommy a rest"

He just thought " a rest" must be laying in his toy box ready waiting to solve all of mommies problems. I love him!! It was So sweet. So every time I "go rest" I am jostled awake by joey handing me a rocket or guitar, or computer thinking just maybe...it will work in place of " a rest".

todays craving...

Today I want more then anything Some Chex mix Muddy buddies (THANK YOU CHANDICE- its your fault I have this craving)....you know those wonderful things you make at home with chex mix and chocolate and powdered sugar??? YUM. 

I must admit I make mine a bit different. I use ALMOND BUTTER in them and then use a dairy free dark chocolate ( I think it Girradeli?)....they are heaven and if I had a car right now I might risk the puking to get the ingredients at walmart....probably not, but I like to think I am brave like that. So if any one IS going to the store, give me a ring and I will pay you at the door...lol

I also would like to sate the fact that if we have a girl I want her to be named Adalee Marie Heller. I think its cute. ( now its just convincing Mike that its a good idea) and Adalee and Olivia seem to work together in my mind. If its a boy....I suppose he would have some cute J name since we already have two j's...any suggestions?

And my last thought of the moment has to do with my Grandmother. I am not sure why, but with all three of my pregnancies I have felt her presence. Its so strong, I think She knows how much I need her. But I miss her a lot when I am pregnant because its like she is here but not. She said shortly before her death to me that this would be one of the things she regretted, not being able to be here for all this part of our lives. I thinks she here, I feel her, but I still miss her....

there you go, first crazy entry of about a million for the fourth and final pregnancy of Brigette Heller. =)

future baby #4!!

Most know already, But I think I will post it on here just for journal keeping sake. HELLER # FOUR IS ON HIS?? HER??? WAY!! 

I think we found out I was pregnant the second the magical stick could tell us, so we tried really hard to wait and tell the kids. I tried to act normal for about two week.....and then it came....the sickness. =(

So we had to tell the kids why mommy was simply not going to get better any time soon and why I needed so much more of their patience and help.

I had a fun Idea to have my sister come and take pictures of the moment we told them. We simply told them by handing them a sign that said I was having a baby. It worked perfect and I couldn't love my sister more for helping with it and I LOVE LOVE THE pictures. so I will post those next.

I am super sick, but optimistic that I will regain at least a part of my mornings since the past three days have gone MUCH better.

Love you all enjoy the pictures!

a journey

I feel like this last two weeks have been a journey...well maybe this month has been. Mike was home 5 days in the month of June and I only saw him two of the five. We missed seeing each other at the airport by just about 3 hours. I on my way out and he, coming home..... and once we were BOTH finally home, our kids were gone for a week with grandma.

BUT all that alone ( with three sweet kids!) time this month has come with ups and downs, tired and grouchy, excited and thankful thoughts and feelings. Mostly I am just glad that after a month of craziness we are all under the same roof. The one thing I know is that we are blessed, very blessed. We are relatively healthy, we live in a beautiful home with food in our cupboards and clothes on our childrens backs, who are happy and creative. our car functions properly and we have friends and family who love us.

I could go on, but the point is this blog needs to end up being this..life a journey, and we are all blessed in different ways and to be thankful for them is more important then we often recognize...BUT sometimes finding joy even when things are going right can be HARD. I have learned for me, the hardest battles, the bloodiest, worst, trials of my life often happen on a stage in my own head.

The journey is on going, But I feel thankful for this month where the Lord has helped me to see the worst side of me and the best, helped me to feel loved despite my many flaws, when maybe in my current situation the love doesn't seem to surround me.

 We all have to have balance, we have to give to those around us the things we feel we need because mostly likely they need them too. But mostly we just need to Love the Lord with all our hearts, put our complete trust in him and move forward, because when we do that our lives will unfold in a way that we can become stronger and better....I believe that, and I am thankful for the chance the Lord gave me this month to feel a strong sense of love and peace for a few days so I can move forward with a stronger purpose in my heart and be myself now matter what I am surrounded by. Thats when I can do what he needs....when I am just me with the strength of God in my heart and mind, moving forward with eternal purposes intertwined in all I do..

our future presidents 1st speech

Olivia came to the realization that IF she was going to be president in the Future she needed to start working on her speaking skill and speech writing. So she wrote her 1st speech about...airport security. funny girl. love her and I thought it would be a cute the to keep a record of!(So, here it is spelled and punctuated as she did):


" Airports: The American People should get the rights and freedom of airports. American people should freedom to bring more things on boar but the safty gard still checks bags because we would not like planes to explode? would we. the Airports are so strict that a friend of mine told me that there mom could not bring a shampoo bottle!  I mean that is crazy right? I want to make the American people the right to go on vication I would make the air-line be cheap because famliyss should get to go to a state or country for cheap! American people should more cheap ways to get on airplanes oh I forgot to mention that you can only have 50 pounds in your bag. people of America that is what I Olivia Heller am going to fix."


( she signed her name at the bottom)


What I love about this speech is that its just her. In the first part she expressed her concern for our personal freedoms and in the second part she expressed her frustration with a messed up system. she knows all these guide lines and rules effect the prices on tickets and her family can not afford a vacation on a plane. I could probably point out the flaws, but I think for her first attempt I am going to enjoy the fact that she thinks about things most 8 year old children do not AND that she sees a future where change for the better is possible. I love this girl! AND BY THE WAY, she just informed me that she has started her next speech already- topic? gas prices. ( did I mention I love this girls???)

Our gluten Journey

This month in AZ its Celiac Awarness month. This newly dubbed month became such just a sort time ago when a member of our support group helped present the legislation to Governor Jan Brewer. Its a big deal for us here at the Arizona East Valley Celiac Disease Foundation ( try to say that 10 times fast...let alone remember what you where supposed to say in the first place! LOL) so a celebration was put into place, a big one.

Some where along all that, I found my self getting involved...... which morphed into me becoming a member of the board- the Secretary to be exact, and a co- kids club leader.

I told myself it wasn't a big deal, but the more I get into this I am starting to questions that too...

ANYWAY, details aside, I have surprised even myself with the depth of emotion I feel for this cause. Last night late into the evening My husband And I recalled our early Gluten free days in Spanish Fork, we recalled the days when our sweet Jack began wasting away to nothing, when he was 10th percentile in weight and Height, when his belly and cheeks were huge, his arms and legs tiny. He had these " beautiful" rosy cheeks that every one complimented. Now I look at old pictures and feel sad, because I now know they were a sign of what his body was going through. He ate like no other kid could! we thought he just had the most wonderful, large appetite, just like a boy should. But there were some issues, with time, they became bigger and bigger.

It was about 5 years ago I started to get worried. He seemed unhealthy. I had 30 piano students at the time and it did not matter how many times I used Lysol on the piano keys or made them wash their hands, if they came sick (cold to flu) Jack got it. As you can imagine, that was ALL THE TIME.

 I took Jack to the dr. I told him my concerns, that his diapers were nasty, how would I ever potty train? that he was always sick, and I was worried about his weight, not to mention his emotional state and the constant asthma scares. The dr. told me nothing was wrong, he saw no issues, but because he was a nice dr. he referred me to a G.I specialist, did some blood test, told me to give jack tri-a-medic and sent me home.

The G.I specialist instantly saw a problem, he confirmed my worst fears when he charted his growth, jack had stopped growing. He sent me immediately to Primary children hospital to do a series of tests, none of which yielded any answers. I went home after a very long scary day defeated, with a very tired and scared child.

I thank My Father in Heaven for finding mercy on a mom with no knowledge of where to go or what to do. He sent me two angels.

Because I loved my piano students and their moms, I often chatted with them in between our lessons, I confided in several moms my concerns with Jack and what we had gone through. Two of them happened to have problem relating to gluten. One with Celiac and one with a Wheat allergy. After talking with them, they both suggested I do a diet elimination test on jack. I charted for several weeks what he ate, tried to take out different items, from tomatoes and onions, to cheese and carrots. Jack was young and didn't have a huge variety in his diet. Finally, I went to mike and told him the only thing left was wheat. It was the only thing consistently in his diet that we had not removed.

Mike and I worried about trying it. We were on a 30.00 a week food budget- 50.00 on a good week. ( can you even imagine trying that budget now???) We couldn't see how it would be possible to feed our family when Gluten free products were SO much money. But we tried it anyway, wanting Jackson to be healthy. Suprising (to us) The results came quickly. Within a week his moods evened out- by a month his belly disappeared. He stopped getting sick all the time and eventually even started growing a TINY bit. all of his "severe" asthma problem just, simply went away.

I don't know how the Lord made it work for us. It doesn't make sense on paper that we were able to keep with in our strict budget. But it was what Jack needed, regardless of what the Dr.'s told me, We knew it was the difference he needed. Here we are 5 years later with a extremely loud, happy, healthy 7 year old boy, with the sweetest heart you will ever meet.

Our challenges with diets and food didn't just end there. Going Gluten free is HARD and emotional. I questioned for a long time if Jack would ever " feel normal" in class and at birthday parties, each day as he opens his lunch. But the Lord decided to help jack out, we now have THREE children who can not tolerate Gluten! I recently joined my kids in effort to stop the migraines plaguing my days, if your wondering, yes it worked, I am also gluten free now. But that doesn't end the mother hood worries, or the sadness I myself, often feel myself when I look at a table full of brownies I can not eat. But I have to add, I always instantly feel blessed to have this perspective to know what my kids are ALSO going through.

A year and a half ago, I went in search of real answers, I wanted to know if Jack had Celiacs or a Gluten intolerance. Once again the test results came back that he had no issues with wheat. The Dr. told me to give it to him, that I shouldn't even be worries about it. I think a part of me hoped the Dr. was right, so I did. Jack was a mess. On nebulizer treatments constantly. He was so weak that he struggled to even run around the bases at t-ball practice. We took him off wheat, after some time, he was fine again. During that time, We  found out jack was allergic to dairy, eggs, peanuts and beef among other things.

Once again we found our selves facing life altering dietary changes. BUT he became stronger and healthier with his new diet. He even ( officially last Sunday!!!) grew out of the Church clothes he has been wearing since before kindergarten. He is my only child whom I never have to buy clothes for.

Living this way may be different. Some may consider it hard, I have people congratulate me for being so " committed" to our diet. But in this I most certainly do not deserve the praise. First because the Lord has literally held my hand through all of this, by sending angels to help me and teach me and even by often downloading random recipe ideas straight to my brain( seriously I couldn't come up with this stuff on my own!). These things I was blessed with. 2. I can not imagine being so selfish to compromise his diet ( or the others) for my convenience over his health.

As I looked back with mike last night, and found myself in tears (sad and happy) over the years or struggles, triumphs and heart break, over food gluten in particular, I find myself thankful for the wonderful community we are now a part of. I feel blessed to serve with people who are as passionate about Gluten free living as our family, and I feel hopeful that some day I can find Jack answers. But until then, I will rely on the Source that has lead us through it all., the Lord.

Girls who follow the rules just don't have fun....

‎"Well-behaved women seldom make history.” 
           
             ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I have a good friend who posted this on facebook this morning. While I adore this friend, I categorically disagree. My whole life I feel like I have been fighting this particular stereo type.

Do women who mis-behave make history? sure. I suppose you could say many women through out time have made their case by " mis-behaving"..... but really are they misbehaving or are they simply demanding whats right??( let me present evidence Item A: Rosa Parks) And in many cases they lied to make a point, or was it fear? or both? or divinely-lead mixed in with the other two? ( evidence B: Queen Ester of the Bible)

This might sound mean But those who have made history by what I deem as truly misbehaving are those who use their bodies or their ideas to alter how we socially interact with each other. In most of these cases I see woman who misbehave AS the reason women get a bad rap, I mean come on!!  if you have it all? why ruin it for the rest of us? (there could be examples of this anywhere from Delila to Marilyn Monroe to Brittney Spears) these women prey on the weakness of men to get what they want. whether its money or fame, doesn't matter, they do what it takes. Whats worse, they make it seem acceptable to act this way, our society even has begun to look to these actions as a truly beautiful and well rounded woman. Why must we all be a fake version of our self, try to fight, claw, connive our way into history?

I say we don't. I say women...we are better then that!

 Do I have worldly goals and dreams? Sure, this ten pounds I just gained is nagging me every bite I eat( thanks mis-behaved Ladies of the past) Heck, this blond is not my natural color and I don't wear my very comfy pink robe around town because that just wouldn't be "fashionable". BUT, I know who I am and what the Lord expects of me. 

I suppose I am thankful to keep fighting this stereo type, because that means I have been exposed to TRULY great women. women who range from Eve in the garden , " mis-behaving" but doing so for RIGHTEOUS reasons. women like church leaders who give everything to the women they serve for no reward. If you want to get political, look at the first ladies of every white house, mis-behaving? I think not. In fact you find that in almost every instance it is the complete opposite. I am pretty sure they have made a difference in our countries history..

 A women makes her mark on history by proving history its self wrong, by being strong enough to fight the stero- types. Most importantly she makes history by proving that in "doing the right thing" we all are better. I plan on making my mark in history, it may seem a small foot print in the pages of time, but I want to be remembered for being making a BIG differences for my family and their families to come..... and I have no intentions of " mis-behaving."

chores

After a full day of cleaning, I am re committing myself to chore list. I have to admit I am terrrrriiiibbbbllllee at this. I want my kids to learn to work hard, But I get frustrated in the process. Once a week I clean their rooms and once A week I wipe everything down from bathrooms to base boards, then i try to maintain it for the rest of the week. BUT after that once a week wipe down, I find my self So mad at my kids for being so lazy, all the while KNOWING I am teaching them to be lazy! Its a ridiculous cycle that will be stopping....once it's summer time.

That may sound crazy, but I have found summer time is a GREAT time to teach my children better habits. It helps keep our days moving and gives us some structure, and keeps them for watching t.v all the hot days.

So a few weeks and its chore time...watch out kids, I have BIG plans for you! =)

ANNNDDD this is why I love my husband so darn much! right after I posted this, I went out side with the kids and mike....this is what I found:

Great minds think alike baby, great minds think alike!

Double vision

I am a hot mess, really, I am.  My mind wanders constantly, I day dream when I shouldn't...have you ever talked to me oh the phone? Did I even listen to you? I did..whew!!You were one of the lucky few...and to every one else SORRY!!!!

 I struggle, not because I don't care, or the HUGE event next week isn't a priority....I just can't focus, its like seeing double vision when I try.

Some of you MAY think you know me differently. Some of you may actually think I do crazy amounts of stuff and keep it together and EVEN take a bath every day and manage to get makeup on. Well, let me tell you a secret. You only KIND OF know me. You know the good version of me, when I am "on my game", got it all together, yes, I even might feel like superwoman as I manage it all.....but I feel guilty for misleading you. 

So let me set the record straight. Yesterday as I was going through the list of " to do's" for the ward Luau on Saturday and I found my self praying out loud ( joey was giving me very funny looks! LOL) but The prayer in and of its self was not unusual for me. I prayed for the Lord to help my brain function, to help me stay calm and FOCUS, I prayed for the strength to concentrate and keep my family first. 

Did the Lord help me? Yes, he always does. When I am honest with The Lord and come to him with a pure heart( which is SO MUCH HARDER to do, then it is to write in a blog), I am never let down, and In turn the Lord helps me to be the Super woman I can not be on my own. 

So there it is, plain and simple. Honesty with the Lord and a prayer for help= focus which then benefits those around me. When I take credit for it, I lose my focus, but If I always remember him and the blessings he is continually blessing me with, then he allows me to do amazing thing. Its simple really, why do I forget it so often? I don't know. Maybe writing it out will help =) and now you know the secret.

another talk with the future president of the United States

Last night Olivia decided to help me with dishes instead of have reading time with dad and the boys.

I have found when we are working on a "project" together she gets talking, I learn more about her when we are working together then any other time....she knows I love politics and she knows super Tuesday is tomorrow, so she was asking about the candidates and what makes them different..... which lead to a whole talk about the Constitution and Declaration of Independence ( thank you Ron Paul!) which was FABULOUS, BUT she knew nothing about them-which made me do a mental check to get  copies printed and also caused me to ONCE AGAIN ponder what my kids are being taught in school about our country.

The highlight of the night for me was when she announced she wanted to be president because becoming president was

      " easy, you just give a few big speeches and people decide if they like you and then you make a lot of money" 

Of course I love to teach her about how it really works, so we talked about all the hard work candidates do to earn the poeples trust and the things they say. How some of them make promises they don't mean and can't keep and some of them just want the glory of being the President of the United sates and of course How being president is NOT easy. She was still focused on the campain part though, so she said:

" well, I will tell them how I feel, tell them I mean what I say and if I don't keep my promises then I will give back half of the money I make each year when I am president"

I just love how she thinks. In her mind if she didn't keep her promise then there was a concequence. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone in office who believed the same?

shes got my vote and she is only 8.

life is not fair.

As my oldest child grows and matures I find myself in more and more...ummm...Debates(?) with her. Our oppinion on things such as bathing and amounts of play time seem to be changing by the moment. It is SO hard to keep my temper in check. I am not a patient person, I try to be, I have improved a lot of over the years, but in general, I am not as patient as I know I want to be yet- anyway, these debates drain every one in the house.

Today the issue of "not fair" came up about 1,000 times over how often she should take a shower. About half way through the " debate" I realized I was approaching the situation wrong. I was trying to help her understand why it "was fair". But in the end, if you are dealing with someone who believes they have been wronged, they are NEVER going to try to see it your way, especially if that would require a change of heart and mind where they would have to do the very thing they don't want to.

So how do I fix this problem? Well...... I still don't know, BUT, I think we found something that may lead us to a solution in the future. I asked her a question that went something like this:

do you think its fair that I have to clean your room before company comes because you don't care enough to?? do you think its fair that I have to clean up your puke when you throw up? do you think its fair I am all alone when your dad travels and have to be a mom and a dad? that I have to cook every single dinner? give joey baths even when he screams at me? mop the floors every day, wake up early...ect...you get the idea, and I actually can't remember WHAT examples I used of my  daily life...

she decided " no that's not fair"

I told her I thought it WAS fair. Do I love doing those things? Not always, BUT Sometimes we do things just  because we should- it's called responsibility. There are also times we do things because they just happen to be in front of us events big and small in our lives and we have to either kick and scream about it or GET IT DONE.
she said she hated taking baths, I told her to invent soap that cleans you with out water. LOL.

My point ( and I explained it to her) was simple. Life is going to throw you all sorts of things that feel unfair, but in the end, the only thing you or I can control is what we do with them. no matter what is going on, routine life or random incidents how we act determines the out come. I realized there is truly no circumstance that is "unfair" because "unfair" is simple a state of mind. its all about our attitude reguardless of the situation. If you don't like it...CHANGE it. there is ALWAYS a way to make change even when you feel like all is lost, look outside yourself and see what you can do, the greatest stories of history are based on this simple principle of creating change in "unfair" situations.

I am grateful for children who stretch my understanding each and every day...Life feels pretty 'fair" to me right now. =)

the squishy problem....

.Thing morning I found my self in a bit of a parenting debacle. You see, my children work hard doing their chores each week and as a reward for their hard work, they get allowance that goes into three places: spending money, tithing to our church and savings. They choose to spend a healthy amount of their spending money at school on little toys called squishes. Along with the little toy comes a "code" which my children can enter on line to get prizes such as more virtual squishes, farm land, food a fish bowl to put the water squishes in....you get the point.

My oldest daughter is highly competitive and is DETERMINED to have more real life and virtual squishes then her younger brother. so each day she does her chores faithfully and even asks for extra chores for extra money.

My son, is.....a bit lazy. He misses his chores regularly and complains when he does do them. But he figured out how to beat the system a bit in the Virtual squishy world, and thus came my parenting debacle and a clearer understanding of free market verses the fairness doctrine.

My children noticed a few days ago that many kids at school were purchasing squishes but for whatever reason, most students saw no real value in the accompanying codes, so they tossed them on the play ground and went away with their prize in hand. My very competitive and smart daughter realized she could walk the playground and collect these items,in a short amount of time she would have MANY MANY more codes to enter on-line and her virtual kingdom could be built quickly!Her younger lazy brother also saw the value of what she was doing after her first "cash in" on the computer, so the next day guess what he did? He came home with about 30, he cleaned the playground leaving no stone unturned.

This morning I was greeted with tears from my daughter. " it's not fair! he gets out to the play ground earlier then me. By the time I get there most of the codes are gone. NOW he will get more squishes on-line then I will!!"

So how does this relate to free enterprise vs. the fairness doctrine you ask? isn't it Obvious?

If I were to teach my Daughter about being an entrepreneur, I would tell her how smart her Idea was, I would congratulate her on her already vast kingdom- and then the hard part- I tell her she has to not only search for new ideas to build her growing kingdom, but be happy that her brother worked hard on an idea they hatched together and was successful. Whats more, she CAN"T expect a pay out. She didn't DO anything to warrant one. If he is a nice boy, a kind boy, the way I am trying to raise him, hopefully he will let his wealth "trickle down" to her by sharing ( as she did the day before). BUT, since he earned it by himself I can't really take it away....in the name of "fairness".

Or could I? I am the mom right???

I mean I could tell him it was her Idea first, I could tell him it didn't matter if he worked all three recesses to collect them- she DESERVES to have the same size kingdom he does. Then I could take half of what he earned and give it to her, I mean it would be FAIR...right??

I don't think so...you see....I believe this generation is o.k with the fairness doctrine because no one gets their " feelings hurt". But what about my son who for the first time saw an opportunity and TOOK IT!He worked hard and saw the results, if I take it from him now, then why do the hard work? What will we create for our future if this is what we teach? I think we know the answer, if we teach our children every thing has to be fair or we can't be happy, we will create a generation of Lazy un happy people, its already happening and it starts by the way we parent and it ends with the way our society is run by those in charge. I pray we can find a leader who understand what is at stake here and in the mean time I will just keeping teaching mine whats most important in life. Hard work, love, faith and more maybe a little more hard work so we can keep the things we love and have faith in, alive...







.

the best me

Today I am making a cake, as I dump in ingredients and listen to the hum of my new mixer I find a sense of quiet and peace. I love these moments to work with my hands to create something.

 As I thought about my life and compared it to others, I began to see things a bit different, it was a glimmer of light that came into my brain. ;)

I wonder if each day I live, if I am being the "best me" I can be. I think it doesn't matter for us as Children of God what our role here on earth is. We often look around and see people doing things, wonderful things, BIG things. Things that make them famous. We see those around us making mistakes, little ones that drive us crazy, big ones the may cause them extreme unhappiness and we judge it all. Sure, tell your self you don't have an opinion as to what others are doing with their lives. If you can say that...I think you are a rare specimen. Most of us try not to, but we do it anyways.  Whats worse is that most of us are using that opinion to make our self feel better OR to justify our perceived weaknesses.  Either way it results in negative thoughts and talk.

SO BACK TO THE POINT, am I being my "best me"? I don't think it matters what religion ( or lack thereof) you are living at this moment, I don't think it matters whether you are famous or shy and introverted. I don't think it matters if you are changing poopy diapers or running for President of the United States. Are you being your best you?

Because if you want to be happy. If you want to " find the path" to where your life should go, you have to be your best you. If you want the powers that be  ( I firmly believe that those powers are a Loving Heavenly Father) to work in your life, you have to be ready! That means you have to be the most kind, hard working, loving, don't let the world get to you or get you down person you can be.

So scrub that toilet like there is no tomorrow, train that group of customers like your whole career depends on it, stick to the truths in your heart like your life is in hanging in the air and you don't know when it will drop, because you don't know. If you want to be happy, be the best you.  If you want to Let God work in your life, you have to be the "best you" that you know how to be.

DON'T GET DISTRACTED, its so easy in this world when you have a negative thought or have to deal with a drama to sit down and zone out, DON'T. I fall victim to this too often and I find myself going to bed at night with regret, thinking, I was NOT my " best me".

Understand if you go about making this change, others won't be happy for you. You see, when you are celebrating your "best you" moments, they may not have figured out yet that you are just taking charge of you own moments, your own day, your life. They will wish they could be happy washing the sticky floors and loosing those last 10 pounds. Love them, let them know your secret and most of all BE HAPPY be the "best you" you can be!

love you all.
boo